The Legacy of Church of God "Ministers" and Deception.

Power.

It's quite the word in the Churches of God, because those in charge have had a lot of it.

Add money in, and you've got a narcisist's dream job.

Then add supposed divine authority - and you are a god.

That's the long and short of the story of the ministers in the Churches of God, who for over 70 years have convinced good-hearted and well meaning people that they are the inheritors of supreme authority on the basis of a supposition of the inheritance of diving power through top-down ordination. And when people buy into that belief, there's little - if anything - that you can say, or do, that they won't believe is right.

That has been the story in the Churches of God ever since Herbert Armstrong began his vain, narcissistic scheme of self-interpretation of religion for the furtherance of his financial empire and worldly success. It has been a story that Herbert's hirelings have written over and over again - with tragic mental and physical results.

Not every one of these people - named "Ministers" of varying rank and title - have taken advantage of members in various ways as many have. But those that have taken advantage of members for their own benefit, either personally or corporately - have done so vigorously, unashamedly, and forcefully, as they personally have benefited from their perceived deceptive power plays. From the beginning, it has been the minister who has been served by those they have been entrusted to serve. It has been a culture of privilege, superiority, arrogance, pomposity, and hubris that had encompassed their entire lives - all enabled and created by the headquarters corporate who developed a system that rewarded them for their heavy-handedness towards those who they were entrusted to spiritually develop.

From the beginning, the "ministers" who were ordained into full-time ministry into the Church were given "the Good Life". At the peak of their financial prosperity, due to conning the members to believe they were required to give 30 percent or more of their income to the Church, they were given handsome salaries, expense accounts, for a time utility expense, parsonage credit, a fleet car - and that's just financially. They also - well, many of them - used the members of the Church as personal slaves - car washers, lawn mowers, movers, or anything else that the members were willing to do. And their "work"? Many of them in some areas really did not have much to "do" during the week! Prospective member visits were low, visitations were not always required, the occasional wedding and/or funeral, and a whole week to write a sermon or sermonette. Those who did have large congregations and were constantly busy had high expectations - and were sometimes the most brutal with their unrealistic and supposed authority that they pounded home was, according to them, from God.

They also had the full backing of their boss, Herbert Armstrong, when it came to disputes or claims of malpractice. Herbert Armstrong had a policy of always believing the minister's word over the members' claim - and let that be known specifically - if there was no specific evidence against the minister. The weight of that kind of backing was something the ministers knew and wielded well, in many cases.

And then there was the belief of absolute divine authority, which many ministers claimed they inherited via ordination - and the belief that their every decision was through the guiding ministry of a higher portion of the Spirit of God within them. From the very smallest to the very largest decisions, such a mindset and belief caused a co-dependency from member to minister that was just as powerful as the dependency from a son or daughter to a parent. The difference between this child to parent relationship and a member to minister relationship? The parent-child relationship was temporary until adulthood. The member-minister relationship was eternal. In short, the members were never permitted to grow up.

The ministerial dominance of supposed authority extended well into the realms of discipline, as any rebellion, slacking, without full support, or disobedience in any way shape or form could result in not only extreme physical consequences (losing friends, even family, isolation and rejection, as well as separation from Church, either temporarily or permanently) but also spiritual consequences (loss of salvation, condemnation, rejection from the Kingdom, and being thrown into eternal cessation via being burned in the Lake of Fire). Some of these "ministers" fully abused such a belief that they had such supernatural, God-ordained powers to the order of complete oppression of their members, and fully hijacking every decision that members ever made in their lives in many cases. This was not the case with all of them, or all of the members. But it did happen. And it did happen often.

All of this of course created an atmosphere of excessive pride and arrogance within the ministry that they created their own super-culture that was far and above beyond the normal clique. It was a culture that created special seating, and roped-off areas. It was a culture of higher living that in many cases the regular member was not invited to nor ever could know. It was a culture of "We are better than you,and you well better know it." It was a culture of posh, arrogant hubris and superiority. It was a culture of superiority based on rank and position and power. They were them, you were you, and you better follow the rules, or you, who were next to nothing, will be nothing. This was the message sent and widely received by many.

Your expectations, spiritually and physically, within the dominant sphere of the minister's supposed authority, were both excessive and exhaustive. Submission to not only the rules and regulations required by the doctrines and dogmas of the Church's spiritual interpretations, and the rules and regulations of the local Church as interpreted and enforced by the pastor, dominated every aspect of the life of the member, the member's family, and all areas within. Personal decisions were expected to be ran by the pastor in cases of job, marriage, dating, finance, personal issues, sex, school, friendships, Church attendance, Church social lives, and all issues related to "the world" as to what was proper and what was not, including birthdays, holidays, events, gatherings, sports, and overall life, including what to wear, music, child-rearing, child discipline, and a host of other subjects that you were not "smart enough" to know on your own what was or what was not appropriate or expected of you. Your adherence to expectations was constantly analyzed, judged, disciplined, and reported to superiors on a constant basis. You were judged on your masculinity, your femininity, your handshake, your hair length, your dress, your suit, your communicative style, your personality, your macho or manliness, or your ability as a homemaker or wife. The minister's power within the marriage was nearly absolute when it came to marriage counsel - and for some decades, broke up or dissolved marriages based on their own interpretive judgements of what defined adultery. Make no mistake - lives were under, in many cases, the complete dominance and power and authority of the Minister, the one whom was Greatly to Be Feared.

This was the power they had - the power of deception. This deception was enabled by fear, first and foremost. Fear of God's Punishing Power. Fear of the Minister. Fear of the Church. Fear of Disobeying, and lastly but certainly not least - the Fear of Discipline up to and including dis-fellowshipment.

Once you had invested your whole life into the controlling powers of the system - who controlled your life in every way - who could ruin your entire life in one letter of disfellowshipment - or one order to quit your job - or one order to leave your spouse - or to reject a family member in some recent cases - you resigned yourself to their will. You resigned yourself to just obey them, because the consequences would be rougher than if you lose your entire social system. That power over the social system that the Church wielded was, and is, the biggest shackle and chains that grab onto and hold a member under their thumbs. The minister sits on them with that power with the full weight of a 400-lb tablet of stone. If they leave, they lose. If they leave, they fear. They believe it's the end.

Tragically, because of that belief, many have simply given up, fallen into depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and some have committed suicide according to many reports. This is the tragic results of drunk on power charlatans who have abused members emotionally and spiritually for far, far too long.

Those who have been abused sometimes do not think it's really that bad because they're used to it. They believe what's out there is far worse than what's "in there". They believe that what they have experienced for decades, is normal. They believe this because that's what they've been told to believe. They have been lied to, deceived, and had have their minds stolen, and many have lost the capacity to live on their own or even make the most basic decisions without help. All the while, their pastor and corporate church rake in their income, their assets, their estates, and their lives because of the love of sordid gain and the lust of mammon and riches. Their cold, calloused assault on the well being of their members is excused and rationalized away with the belief and statements that "Their donations and acceptance of the doctrines is voluntary" and no one is forced to do anything.

Of course, that's a lie.

When you threaten their eternal salvation because they aren't doing what you tell them to do. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they don't submit to your authority or every order. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they are not giving you the required donation. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they have failed in every expectation handed down from on high. And not just their eternal salvation, but their family's well being? Their jobs? Their social lives? Their marriage? Their everything? And you make the dastardly excuse that it's "voluntary"? There's nothing voluntary about it. You've deceived yourself into thinking you are doing nothing wrong.

And the well-intended, good hearted members who simply just want to do what they believe God has said for them to do end up in  system of bondage and chains - thinking in full belief right is wrong, and wrong is right. The results are tragic.

The entire concept of ministry is to serve. The entire concept of ministry is to help those who are Christ's as a supporter, an encourager, a defender, and a protector - not an abuser, a parent, a fraudster, a charlatan, a scammer, a conner, or a robber. The entire concept of ministry is humility, not pride. The entire concept of ministry is not based on money or assets or estate, but on the spiritual health and well-being of the member. The entire concept of ministry is growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ - not the wallet, not mammon, not money, not corporate. The entire concept of ministry is not rooted in wickedness, or pride - and most of all, the entire concept of ministry is not rooted in abuse of a member. Whether that abuse is emotional, mental, physical, or developmental - abuse is abuse. And the truth is, the COG's have miserably failed as a whole in not only failing to stop abuse within the churches - but enable it, in the name of greed and presumptuous gain.

Those ministers who truly are ministering are out there - the few, and the faithful. The other ministers? The so-called ministers who have trashed everything Jesus Christ stands for - who puke and vomit on God's Word? The ones who got rich by making the poor poorer? The ones who idiotically stand in their pulpits enthralled in the stink and filth of their vomit-stained words, nauseating those who are shackled with their putrid arrogance? They aren't ministers.

They're a disgrace.

The members who are in bondage can regain control. They can regain their lives. They can be set free. They can live again. They can recover. But they can only do it through and by the power of the Living Jesus Christ. It is my prayer that through prayer, they can live again, and be set free.

Ramblings

Today, I just thought I'd ramble a little bit. It's been a little bit of a difficult day, in some respects, as certain things shift and move in the waves of life. But it all is a matter of perspective in the way one deals with the way the winds change, isn't it.

I've been watching with interest a few things in the Church of God Universe i wish to talk about. Again, it's more of a rambling sequence of thoughts in the form of print. I have not taken the effort to outline this particular thread in any consistent dialogue. Keep that in mind as I write this posting.

On Depression

At the Banned Site, there has been some reporting on PCG's stance, according to an article published by their group, on depression. Apparently, the PCG seems to think they have the scholastic and psychiatric training and ability to interpret and diagnose clinical causes of depression and mental health issues. Anyone mind if I take a moment to step out, laugh my head off, and run back in? You don't mind? Fine then!

HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.

Now I'm not an expert on the issue in it's clinical study, but I know enough about it - both from those who do know a little bit about it, and from personal experience - to talk about what depression is, and isn't.

Depression IS, in many cases, a bio-chemical imbalance in the brain, and may or may not be rooted in actual issues of life. Depression CAN be "enhanced", or even develop, or become chronic due to life's stresses and issues. And I can tell you, based on much evidence I have read over the years of PCG's Direct Influence on Life, that their doctrines and policies can be a direct initiator or enhancer of MAJOR depressive disorders.

For them to get on there, and act like they are the ones who can cure depression when they have directly caused so much for so many people is one of the most laughable and nearly ironic things that could be written in print.

Regardless of what they say the causes are, depression is extremely serious, and it is critical that those who suffer from depressive disorder get help to know what steps to take to isolate and proactively resolve any issues that are severely impacting and destroying their well-being.

On Certain "Ministers" 

It is irking to watch certain self-appointed "ministers" attempt to assert themselves as some sort of "authority" to those who subscribe to their splinter or "church" body. One of the most irking - yet, strangely - amusing - ones that is setting themselves up as such an authority is the leader of the Continuing Church of God, Bob Thiel, who has to call himself an "overseer".

I have consistently said that many of those COG-types who attempt to present themselves as authorities set themselves up as some sort of spiritual "parents" who rob and steal the intellectual and adult abilities of those who "submit" to their ideas and claims. Calling ones self an "overseer" is certainly not subtle about it.

Then, there's the time-old lies that leaving their church body corporate is a spiritual death sentence. That is absolute rubbish and a lie from the pits of darkness. The CCOG is, in no way, shape, or form, any kind of "One True Church", and it's leader is not even - despite their claims to the contrary - ordained or appointed to any ministry. The arrogance and hubris is appalling. As in every movement no matter how insignificant, there are always a few who get sucked into the thinking of the leader of the subgroup. And let there be no doubt about this: The only "overseeing" power that Bob has is only the power that any individual person gives him. The only power any COG minister has over anyone is the power to deceive and make people believe their claims. When those claims do not pan out, then the evidence is clear they are not who they say they are. Sadly, many decide to stay with the lies then to pull themselves out into the light of truth.

On LCG

It appears, according to some LCG insiders, that a certain LCG minister is "recycling" "inspirational" messages each Saturday to their congregants, using the same material on repeated cycles.

Look, I don't see how this is any different, if true, then the same sermons being recycled over and over again! We all know this goes on in COG services. The same subjects, the same sermons, the same messages, the same material recycled over, and over, and over again. I don't honestly know how people - no matter what COG they go to - can sit there, and take the same dull and repeated and boring, lifeless messages time and time again - especially when given by ministers who have no clue how to give a sermon if their life depended on it!

I remember very well with my time in the COG's how I would have to endure a hopelessly borin speaker. It was much like listening to National Public Radio (No offense to NPR) when they introduce classical music. Anyone who has listened to NPR knows exactly what I am talking about! How is it that people put up with it?

Because they feel they HAVE to.

For the same reasons they feel they HAVE to keep the Sabbath, and they HAVE to keep the Holy Days, and they HAVE to do this, and HAVE to do this, "Or else". In the COG life, it's all about obeying commands militarily, instead of wanting to do things because they have the freedom and the ability to do so from the heart.

The Church was never supposed to be a military camp. But with the COG's, that's what people have voluntarily surrendered themselves to be - financial and spiritual slaves to their "masters".

And again - it's ALL about the money!

More interesting tidbits I'm not really commenting on at Banned about the big fiasco going on with CEM and the RLDEA people. I'm just going to say this:

How much evidence does one possibly need to conclude to the obvious answer as to what's in the heart and the minds of certain COG people? What in the world is it going to take?

A lavish expensive auditorium didn't do it.
The juxtaposition of the End of the World with the building of the auditorium didn't do it.
The threats of loss of eternal salvation because of lack of tithing didn't do it.
RCG's compound didn't do it.
Weinland's conviction didn't do it.
PCG's extravagance and jet airplane didn't do it.
The poverty lives of some COG members for the cause that turned out empty didn't do it.
The good life of pastors while the poor suffer didn't do it.
The evidence in co-worker letters 50 years back didn't do it.

What in the world will do it?

I say nothing is going to do it. They are willing to give up everything for the contemptuous sordid gain of a few bullies who capitalize on whoever they can devour. They attach like a leach and through lies and threats and shackles and chains pull the life out of whoever they can. And it's all deception. It's all lies.

It's a financial SCAM.

It's not like the evidence isn't there. It's literally everywhere. It's getting to the point where they just don't seem to care anymore. How is accepting lies in the face of truth any different than what they've been railing against in their own minds for generations???

That's it for now.

If You are Traumatized, You Can't Just Let it Go.

One of the admins over on Banned posted a post on the blog over there called "2019, rise above your darkness, let it go". Though the essential message was well-meaning, and some of the elements had good intentions, the three words that are the most ineffective and invalidating to a survivor of a traumatic experience, whether emotional or physical, are "Let It Go".

Even for Christians.

Perhaps many remember the namesake song from the movie "Frozen". It's a nice concept. It's a beautiful concept. It seems so easy, doesn't it? Now I'm not saying that Jesus doesn't have the power, or his followers don't have the faith for a supernatural miracle of deliverance from all of the effects of trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, and all of the associated emotional damage which is associated with the deep indoctrinations and damage from a severe cult experience. Yet this path may in fact, be detrimental for those who could gain much needed life-skills, coping skills, thought-skills, and life management skills for those who have been victimized by the charlatans and greedy wolves who take advantage and emotionally molest those who put their trust within them. These skills are best obtained by doing the one thing that cults hate their victims to do: Seek the help of professional counselors and services.

The skills that I have learned through over four years of professional therapy have taught me things that I never, ever were taught or understood within the confined, walled-in kingdom of Herbert-Armstrong. I never understood how cults damage and rewire the brain the way they do. I never understood the massive effects that their brainwashing, indoctrination, propaganda, and negativity caused in upsetting the logic vs. emotional balance of the mind. I never learned the concept of mindfulness, or the meaningful brain-healing of meditation and loving-kindness. I consider the things I have learned, and have been taught as absolutely life-saving and priceless beyond words.I am learning the skills to handle major depression and severe anxiety. It is an ongoing, critical process - especially when balancing these issues with a severe heart condition (which, by the way, could have been managed much, much earlier had Herbert Armstrong not got his nose into other people's lives due to greed and the love of money and power). It is a process that would not have been possible had I not received professional help. The truth is, if I had not received professional help, I would not have known HOW to BEGIN the process of overcoming, and managing the effects of Armstrongism in my life. The truth is, at this time, I would have been dead.

It would be easy for Jesus to supernaturally wave his Hands and "Poof"! Everything's gone and healed and it's all okay now, and life goes on. It would be a miracle, absolutely! It would be spectacular! Until the person - who has not learned any new life skills - or gained new insights or knowledge - gets - through his or her own deficiencies - into situations - has a whole new set of problems and begs for healing again. And what has truly, in the long run, been accomplished? Jesus can do things miraculously. Yet often, he brings us to a path to take advantage of learning, of growing - to eliminate the root causes that cause the peripheral issues in the first place.

It reminds me of all of the Christians who seek a sign, or a miraculous intervention, or a powerful healing - and then don't receive it - and miss out on a God-ordained way that is better and wiser than some miraculous intervention. See, God COULD have abruptly healed me. He could have taken away my heart condition before it nearly led to my early death. He could have fixed my anxiety issues without any problem! Sure, He could have - in a second! Yet, if he did - I would not have learned. I would not have grown. I would not have built character, or learned skills never taught to most until they "have" to know them. I would never have been given the incredible network of heart doctors and cult-recovery professionals I have now.

Because of the path Jesus led me on beyond a supernatural manifestation of electrifying power from the Higher Dimensions, I am alive, and I am growing. Jesus' ways are higher in so many ways than ours. There are sometimes better ways, in the long run, then "Poof, You're healed". Many times, the higher way is in wisdom and in understanding and experience.

No, for many, you can't just "let it go". There is a class of people who think they've let it go - but have not dealt with the underlying issues that are the more serious problems from trauma and pain, and hurt. These people think they've let it go - but haven't. They've buried their pain deep within, unwilling to bring it out, to work it out, and to learn and to grow. They're hurting themselves by their lack of getting help.

For those who truly have "let it go", consider it a blessing, and perhaps a miracle, and be thankful you have the strength to do so. For those who think they have, but deep down know they haven't - or those who KNOW they haven't. Get help. It's okay to admit you need help, and to get help. You will learn invaluable things, you will grow - and maybe, just maybe - that could be God's will for your life.

So if you're a Christian, and these words have touched you somehow, may I make a recommendation?

Please pray about it. Seek the will of the Father. Ask Jesus to take control and if it is his will for you to go the path of seeking help - that He would guide and lead and take control and charge of your life. And trust Him. The path may be long, and the journey may he hard. But you will be forever grafeful for the lifelong benefits - and wisdom - you will have attained.

May your journey to recovery be full of grace and healing.

Setting Personal Boundaries With Your Minister

The Armstrong Church of God Ministers have consistently, in the name of what they call "God's Government", invaded the personal boundaries of their members in the enforcement of "the Law" within their congregations. Of course, members might think to themselves upon reading this: "What Boundaries?"

Throughout the decades, ministers have been trained, and thus feel compelled as principle, to ask and give counsel to the most private of questions, or the most trivial of questions. What would make most people gravely uncomfortable to discuss is commonly divulged by people within the Churches of God, believing the opinion of the minister is directly from Christ - because they've submitted themselves to "the Authority of the Government of God."

What is a personal boundary, anyway?

"Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits."*

Regardless of what you have been told, or what you have believed - all people - including ministers - are subject to respect and to follow the personal boundaries that YOU have set up for yourself. It is within your basic rights as a human being, and within your own standards and expectations of privacy, to set up boundaries that all must respect. If you say no, NO means NO.

There are many personal boundaries that must be respected by your spiritual advisors. Most of all, what it is that you decide to share if you are asked to divulge personal information. The ministers of the Armstrong Churches of God have had a history of asking questions that they were not qualified, nor trained, to counsel on. Even Ron Dart, a senior minister in the old Worldwide Church of God, admitted exactly that.

The emotional result of inappropriate boundary invasion by a minister (or anyone, for that matter) can be like:

 "getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to being greatly affected by others words, thoughts, and actions and end up feeling bruised, wounded and battered"*. 

Yet the fear that a minister can attempt to seduce you to believe through the power of blind deception can make you feel like it's not "that bad" what they are doing, after all, it is "God's Government". The reality is that they are being spiritual and emotional vampires, sucking out any dignity, self-worth, and privacy for their own interpretations and unqualified judgement, leading you down the road of guilt, condemnation, and lack of self-worth.

What then can you do, if you feel within your heart of hearts that a minister has crossed the line of effective spiritual counsel into disrespect of your basic rights and violating your personal boundaries?

1) Pray for God's assistance to help you stand up for righteousness.
2) Assert that such questions are inappropriate and are making you uncomfortable.
3) If the minister is persistent and presses the issue, or threatens retribution, WALK OUT. 

No person - not one - has the right to invade your personal boundaries once you request them to stop. There is no difference from a person refusing to honor the word "NO", whether it is a sexual request or an emotional request or inappropriate question where you have told them to stop. (This goes with physical boundary intrusions too, like when they used to go through your medicine cabinets decades ago!)  If they persist, or threaten retribution, it is a violation. They have crossed the line. You no longer are subject to submit to their authority. (Secret: You never were subject to their "authority".)  They relinquish any such authority the minute they ignore the word, "NO".

Yes, you may be disfellowshipped. You may be marked. And that is okay. You stood up for what is right, and for yourself, and have asserted the respect you deserve as a person.

 The question is, will you allow yourself to remain in an abusive relationship of disrespect and violation of your personal space and rights - or will you assert your personal basic rights, and be free from the abusers who disrespect your personal space and privacy.

The era of inappropriate questioning and counsel in the Armstrong Churches of God by unqualified and untrained ministers must end. It must start with you. 



*Quotes adapted from the Violence Intervention and Prevention Center from PositivelyPositive.com, outofthefog.net, Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine

Prophecitus Armstrongitus

There's a syndrome out there in COG-Land.

Syndrome: "a characteristic combination of opinions, emotions, or behavior."

It's a syndrome that is marked by delusions, illusions of grandeur, false statements, inability to acknowledge error, erroneous suppositions, and repetition. This syndrome has been ongoing for over 60 years.

That syndrome - though, of course, not officially recognized - is what I will call....

 Prophecitus Armstrongitus. 

Prophecitus Armstrongitus is a tendency to speak forth prophecies (the attempt at foretelling the future) using the Bible, doctrines of Armstrongism, or both, to further and advance their belief system in an attempt to cause others to believe their dogmas as well. 

Though most have Prophecitus Armstrongitus in it's more benign stage (they won't actively spread Prophecitus Armstrongitus, but will defend the prophecies if provoked)- a few have what I will call Malignant Acute Prophecitus Armstrongitus. (MAPA). Those who have MAPA will stop at nothing to proclaim their delusions as truth to the impair and detriment of those who believe what is being said - REGARDLESS of how badly such prophecies have failed.

Malignant Acute Prophecitus Armstrongitus is in my opinion mentally dangerous. Those who succomb to one who has MAPA will first become excited and act on the delusions with belief and expectation. However, the prophecies by those with MAPA always fail. Once these prophecies fail, then the one who succombed to the syndrome will experience depression, anxiety, despair, dissonance, anger, frustration, resentment, discouragement, and may also succomb to long-lasting effects of doubt, distrust, and spiritual harm that may lead to agnostic or atheistic tendencies.

Those who have MAPA will not be able to admit their failures. They will either blame a lack of understanding and set a new timeframe in the not to distant future, or state it has been fulfilled in an ethereal or intangible way, which was different than first prophesied. Often, they will then issue a whole new set of prophecies in addition to the first one.

Those with MAPA are extremely cunning and deceptive, and usually appear to be intelligent. Their speech is smooth, as butter. Often, their response to criticism of any form is rash anger. Some go to the other extreme and avoid any response at all.

A few seem to have displayed strange physical symptoms as an awkward lean, wild gestures, and an apparent astigmatism when it comes to constructing bookcases. OK, I just had to throw that in there. 

How then, can one avoid the snare of MAPA?

First, vaccinate yourself with the Word of God. The Bible is clear that false prophets speak presumptuously. Many claim they are speaking for God when they are not. They are deluded and are speaking out of their own minds. When their prophecies fail to happen - which they always will - pay them no attention whatsoever, and ignore any power they profess to have. They have none. The only "power" they have is to get you to believe. Once they are proven false, you know that they are speaking only of the delusional effects of MAPA.

Second, use discernment. Is what they are saying in line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ? If it isn't, pay them no attention.

Third - use history as a defense. Armstrongism has a long and detailed - and firmly established record of failed prophecies over 60 years. If one with MAPA is fully converted with the doctrines of Armstrongism, the chances of any of their prophecies to EVER happen is .000001%.

Fourth - know what is and is not a prophecy. If one with MAPA attempts to say they are uttering a prophecy, but uses words as a disclaimer to give them an out (likely, seemingly, possibly, maybe, could, perhaps), these are NOT prophecies at all. They are simply suggesting a possible outcome, no matter how they brand it. A real prophecy has a definitive date, time, and fulfillment without room for error. Not one REAL prophecy uttered by one with MAPA syndrome has EVER happened. Even the suggested outcomes rarely ever happen, if at all.

MAPA feeds on the false doctrinal systems which malignantly spread in the 20th century by Herbert Armstrong. Herbert Armstrong's skill and cunning deceptions were propagated by recognition and implementation of advertising psychological methods on target audiences. Many have attempted to replicate his success. None have even come close.

Recovery is a process from one who has been victimized by MAPA. Prayer, support, time, and therapy will slowly begin to heal one from the symptoms of MAPA. The sooner, the better. Each case is different.

*****Of COURSE, a disclaimer: MAPA is NOT an official syndrome, nor recognized as a syndrome by any real syndrome authority. Yet - The effects of false prophecies by those in Armstrongism ARE real. Don't pay any attention to those who speak presumptuously. They will always be wrong - and will always try to take your hard earned money on the pretense of the authority of tithing laws of the Old Testament. Don't learn the hard way how many wolves are out there in sheep's clothing. ********

Mental Illness and Armstrongism: Five-Alarm Crisis

The Exit and Support Network and Banned by HWA have again, sadly, reported on yet another tragic suicide in the Philadelphia Church of God cult. I would say I'm shocked. But I'm not. This is not the first time this has happened with this particular end-times cult. This is not the first time this has happened within Armstrongism itself. 

My condolences are with the family that has been shattered by this latest crisis. Exit and Support and Banned By HWA - Linked above - posted the following from the husband of the victim: 

After being kicked out of her congregation when she needed them, the most was too much for her to bare. This most precious of women left a husband, 3 kids, and 3 grandchildren, in tears and disbelief. Flurry's dictatorship style teaching falsehoods of God’s word pushed this beautiful wife and mother to her grave.

 There is absolutely no excuse. There is absolutely nothing that can be said in the defense of PCG for this. It is a shameful and horrifying example of the effects of Armstrongism that has permanently altered the course of one family. They cannot bring the victim back. 

The policies, the cold, harsh treatment - the loveless attitudes and the chilling, destructive, cultish love of authority that dictate the behaviors of Armstrongism in so many ways produce the exact conditions that fuel the explosive growth of mental illness of all forms within Armstrongism. From severe depression, to anxiety, to debilitating stress - to fostering the stunting of the normal growth and development of emotional maturity - to teaching and promoting the ignorance of basic medical care in some groups - all in the name of God in the promotion of their sick, twisted and distorted philosophies that have caused so much harm - the full spectrum of emotional and spiritual abuse has affected thousands within the 60-plus years of the cult of Armstrongism, based on the repugnant and destructive false interpretation of the Gospel. This is a five-alarm crisis that should sound every siren and ring every bell among those who have experienced and are experiencing, or have family and relatives who are involved within the confines of the prison of Armstrongism. 

The spiritual and the mental abuse to the victims must be exposed. The victims must be treated. The truth will set them free. 

No one is immune. From the smallest symptoms to the greatest manifestations - the harm of Armstrongism has affected, in some way,everyone who has been impacted with Armstrongism. From the financially crippling policies that induce stress. From the separating of friends and families by the emphasis on exclusivity - to the destructive diatribes and falsely corrective, spiritually reprobate messages - all the way to the cover-ups and support of crime and abuse - the impact reverberates with wave after wave of emotional damage. 

Mental illness has been amplified, magnified, and intensified exponentially inside Armstrongism by the corrupt and satanic policies within the cults. If ever there was a need for the victims inside who are shackled and chained inside their prison of false belief and condemnation by illegitimate "ministers" - who are actually wolves in the clothing of sheep - it is now. 

I am a strong advocate of behavioral health. I know where I am speaking from. Due to being raised in an extreme fundamentalist family deeply entrenched in Armstrongism, I have received and am receiving extensive de-programming treatment in the recovery of the effects of Armstrongism in my life. Stop the Stigma! It is OK to say you need help! It is OK to get help! There is no need for any more victims. There is no need or people to go through the spiritual abuse and the pain that is happening within the families who are needlessly being harmed mentally and spiritually by such wickedness. These people need to know they have a voice. That they have a reason for being, and for living. That they do have certain rights - the biggest one being support, friends, and the basic rights of humanity. They need to know they can overcome their depression and anxiety. And that they can overcome the harmful influence of those who oppose the love of God and the peace of God in their lives - that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. They need more than anything to know four simple words. 

They are NOT alone. 

If you are reading this right now, and you are in Armstrongism, and you feel absolutely defeated, depressed, discouraged, sad and hopeless - that you don't know where to go or what to do - I strongly plead and urge you to contact a behavioral health expert from your city or your state - and someone you fully trust or had trusted before you entered Armstrongism - and GET HELP NOW. There are people who will help you. There are people who will support you. And above all - do not go it alone. You and your life are precious to God. And it is time to break free and set your life on the right track again. 

You DO have a voice. You DO have a right. Don't let these cults chain you with their deception. The truth will set you free! 

The Exit and Support Network has extensive links to help you out of your Armstrongism experience. Go there today. 

For God so loved the world that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8)

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (2 Cor 3:17)

Pulling Back the Curtain on Herbert Armstrong

For the longest time - it was very difficult me, for any length of time, to listen to the voice of Herbert Armstrong.

Every time that I would attempt to hear his voice, it was an immediate flash back to the days of my youth. Hearing him speak, in a loud baritone yell, sitting on the cold grey floor or chair of the metal Tabernacle building at one of the church-owned Festival sites. Never knowing what he was saying at first - but knowing it was important. And serious.

So important was Herbert Armstrong in my childhood - because of the fact that he was very nearly deified in our family. We didn't quite get there - but if you have ever looked at the adulation and idolatry of the PCG group of Herbert Armstrong - you can get an idea. His importance and influence in my family was first and high, second to God. The ministers were his representative.We were slaves to the madness.

After many years of de-programming by experts, including an individual that had life experience in a similiar situation, I can now look at and hear the man in the third person - not as the young person in awe of the white-haired man with the powerful Wizard of Oz voice. The spell is broken. The chains have been cut. The shackles have fallen. And Jesus is the one who made it possible.

Before, when I would hear him for the short bursts that I could handle, I would have immediate dreams or flashbacks of those experiences. I would literally be able to smell, and taste, and feel the environment. Whether I saw him on the big screen of a transmission at the Feast - or saw him live - it was the same vividness and the same reactions in my head, engraved and etched with a soldering iron tipped with an iron blade, searing in deep precision.

I am taking on the task of hearing and transcripting sermons from the 50s and the 60s, and adding my own commentary (see the link upper right). I was able to get through the whole thing - and did not have to shut it off to de-process and de-brief more than twice. And here's what I have learned.

Looking past the lens of former idolatry and near-worship of my past, he was a short-memoried, not-the-best speaker of a man who actually, beyond expert speaking skills, was not that special. He knew what to say and made sense in some areas behind the pulpit - but turned around and did the exact opposite in real life. In other areas, he was absolutely wrong and speaking from his own mind. His business knowledge was very good - but that's what it was. Business skill. He was as worldly-minded as you could get. I can honestly say that I was absolutely not impressed. The fog of the brainwashing has lifted. I could see the man without the cloud of idolatry and deception.

I could do this only through prayer and through de-programming. I can feel comfortable now hearing him, not as some superbeing in a human suit - but knowing what the truth is. That he was a master at business with plenty of knowledge on how to manipulate and condition the mind due to his advertising training.

I wish to say to anyone who is in recovery from the effects of Armstrongism the following advice. And I mean this from the very depth of my experience.

Do not try to go this alone. It takes time and effort, and much prayer, to detoxify yourself from the horrid influences of cult mentality. The effects of the brainwashing that you must be reliant on others for your salvation takes time, and patience. You must reprogram your wiring. It is probably far, far deeper than you could ever imagine it was. I was surprised at first with how intense and how deep - and how much of my life that was impacted in nearly every way - from who I am, to my personality, to every part of me that needed to be reworked and corrected. I am by no means done with this - I've still got a tremendous ways to go, and I admit it fully. But I cannot do it alone. And anyone who thinks they can do it alone is underestimating the power of the spell cast by the deception of Herbert Armstrong.

And being able to actually listen to Herbert Armstrong without the conditioning of cult mentality is a huge breakthrough. I know he was just a man. A little man - with a huge pocketbook and seemingly endless greed as a chicago real estate businessman who found a product, and sold it without concern or regard to what happens to those who buy it - and to those who did buy it - you were Herbert's financial slave for life. And he had all the treasures you'd ever need to see to prove it.

Yes, it's true - The truth shall set you free.

The Alternative Thinking of the Children of the Cults

The effects of alternative thinking on the lives of young people has been one of the most extensive influences on my life as part of an end-time doomsday cult. One instance that came to mind this morning finally linked to the intensive research into my past to figure out exactly where I came from, fully what I was a part of, as steps of healing in my ongoing journey of de-programming and cult recovery.

There was a season in my young life as a second and third grader that, for whatever reason, I had to convince my classmates that I had supernatural abilities that I did not have. For many of the classmates, it simply did not work. But for one, it did work. It validated my "powers" and my "abilities".

One might consider this perfectly normal for the imagination of a small child in his first years of primary school. Imagine the kid pretending to be Superman, jumping off a small rock and "flying" all the way across the back yard. Or the small child on his tricycle, imagining he's zooming in and out of asteroids on a "star trek" through the neighborhood's church parking lot. Those are the imaginations at work - healthy and part of a brain's natural development.

In my environment, I was taught "not" to engage in "pretend" - or unrealistic imaginations on paper, like coloring the sky purple or the grass red. "pretending" was wrong - as wrong as reading fiction, or listening to different varieties of music. Adherance to realism was paramount. Pretending was to engage in a lie. And lying, after all, was a sin. My family took Armstrongism literally, and seriously.

Enter in the belief system that I had as a child, directly from all of my information sources. I was told I was in training to be God. I was told I would get my own planet. I was told this would happen in just a few years (I didn't quite grasp the fact that my parents were the ones to be converted into a spirtual superpower, and I had to remain on Earth because I was not baptized - this happened a little bit later.) Of course, I was also fully indoctrinated with the whole mother-load of Armstrongism dogma, including the Bible Story imagery from Basil Wolverton. Those who were a part of the cult, or take the time to study into it, can get a good grasp of what that contained.

The difference between the young child pretending on the street - and what my episode in elementary school was - is a matter of belief.

The young child playing superman understood the difference between "pretending" to be Superman, and the thought of actually becoming Superman. It was play, and pretend-time. Once the young child was done "pretending", the mind switched to the next event - peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a glass of milk before running out the door for a full afternoon of more playtime (in the summertime, of course).

The young me believed what he was told. He was going to be God. He was going to have powers and his own planet. He was excited that in a few years, he was going to be one of the pioneers of the Wonderful World Tomorrow. And in the next year or two, our going home from the Feast would be the last physical Feast we would ever experience. For me, this was not pretend. This was real life. It was going to happen. Herbert W. Armstrong said so. And what he said was reality.

I thought of myself as superior to the other children - a higher standard. I thought of myself as different and set apart. I had to set the example. I had to be as perfect as I could possibly be, because I did not want to make my parents, or God, mad at me.

I had spent decades wondering exactly why I acted in the way I did back in the second and the third grade. I attributed everything to an overactive imagination - a normal part of growing up. However, when you have an intentionally stifled imagination and a grounding from pretending - and then actual imagination turned into an alternative "reality" - then you've got a very messed up and abnormal psyche and way of developing as a child. Add on to that weekly meetings of fiction turned into an alternative reality - and again - you're just feeding the brain delusions.

This is one reason how the Church is responsible for the psychological harm and abuse of the children of the Church - from Herbert Armstrong to the ministry to the regular people to their children - weaving a wave of deception from the top down with pure goals of self-centered greed. The methods that Armstrongism used to infiltrate it's members with alternative facts - blatant misuse of mind conditioning and cult psychology to achieve an agenda - were criminal.

I know that those in Armstrongism will turn right around and say that that's what "the World" always does, with teaching about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. These things that we were taught were not fairy tale stories that you grew out of. These thngs that we were taught were not metaphors such as puppets and Sesame Street that teach a lesson and are understood as people grew older and could understand the concepts as an adult. These were beliefs that stuck with you and were reinforced week after week, and year after year. No child grows up to believe Santa is real, or that the Easter Bunny will hop around when you are 30. Those in Armstrongism built a whole religion on one man's fairy tale of becoming Gods and rulers in a universal real estate development program and ruling the whole agri-centric world based on a wholly racist and wholly physical interpretation of the plan of God - where people to this day still believe it, and mess up their children's lives to this day in the process.

Not only do I talk about this for my personal healing - but to show others how whacked and how deep of a con-job the whole mess was, and what it did to the psyche, the imagination, the centers of logic and reasoning, and the faith and belief of God himself. It is incumbent on those who were and have been a part of the entire scam to realize the depth of the deepness of the cancer of Armstrongism, that metastasized itself to delusional psychosis in the worldviews of so many.

Did Herbert Armstrong really believe that he was who he said he was?

What can we deduce through the decades of History about HWA?

When reading through the co-worker letters, I try to see things (hard as this is, to do, believe me), from Herbert's (what he's letting us know) point of view. I try very hard to look at these letters without bias - to try to see where he's coming from.

Yes, this is hard to do as I have already looked through these letters. I've come to many conclusions. But I am left with a very perplexing, very confusing question that I have yet to resolve in my head. This is going to be an article about my thoughts about all of that - and it may end up to be more rambling than anything else.

When I read through the process that Herbert Armstrong claims led him to become what he became - he makes it seem - and very convincingly, if you allow it to be - that what happened that led him from what he was to what he became - that he had nothing to do with.

He claims a lot of coincidences, situations that he claims were out of his control. He cites what he says are many examples of miraculous interventions to prove his divine purpose and calling. A dime here, seventy-five dollars there. People coming from nowhere to fill a need. Miraculous events he claims he has no control over. One reading this might get the impression he is certainly, and absolutely, being led by a power greater than himself that he claims to be God.

Of course, during this process, he claims surrender and conversion to God, and that through that conversion and surrender to God, Herbert was able to be used for his purpose to develop this "great work" that only he was specially prepared to do through past business experience. Was this the case?

Those of us who have intensely studied his life, in an attempt to figure out the details of why we got ensnared into the hell that we got ensnared in - know and understand details of his life that emphatically proves that he had not surrendered his entire life to God. Herbert himself has admitted that a "powerful evil", nearly impossible to overcome, had been with him through his entire life as he built up the Worldwide Church of God. Herbert himself was prone to intense outbursts of carnal rage and anger over material shortcomings. Herbert used every carnal and worldly tactic in the book to extort financial gain out of the most oppressed and burdened people for his own building project - making the deal and giving the green light, and then putting the burden on the poor with an "It's your fault if it fails and you're going to the lake of fire" mantra, over and over and over again. And those of us who have studied are painfully aware of the allegations of abuse against his daughter - which members of his own family have not come to his defense against. And yet, he claims it was God who was working everything "in his favor".

So the one question is: Did he really believe he was who he said he was? Or was he inwardly laughing at all of us "dumb sheep" for falling for the con-man bait and switch of the century?

I have wondered if he had simply just rationalized everything and convinced himself that he is who he said that he was. After all, everyone seemed to agree with him. People began calling him an apostle. People were saying his message was of God all over the place. He had many supporters. Was he using the people to rationalize that he was who he said he was - and then playing the David Card when his true nature surfaced time and time again?

He often says everything "just seemed to work out" for him at the last minute, proving God was always behind it. Yet, we all know he neglects to say the forceful sales methods of abuse against his congregation he knew would always work every time he pulled out the big guns - the threats of eternal damnation for those who never came through for him.

When he found a method of financial gain that worked, he would double down on it, and employ it harder, and harder, and harder each and every time. First, he'd say there was an emergency. And then, he never stopped saying it. Then, crisis. Then, a double crisis. Then, a SUPREME crisis. Then, the worst crisis that ever has been faced by the Work. And finally, in the early 1960s all the way up to the mid 1970s, he would pull out the big guns of the threat of eternal damnation for slackers, for lukewarm givers - for those who were not 100 percent behind Herbert's desire for the completion of his headquarters. He admitted he would beg, plead - ask people to give until it hurts without any shame to those in his church so he wouldn't have to do it to his co-workers. And even then, he found very underhanded ways around even that.

He had full knowledge of what he was doing. He knew full well the psychological impacts of Petra, the Place of Safety, and 1975 - and what it would do to increase the needed funds to meet the goals that were required to get the loans for the completion of the Master Plan. In fact, all while that was going on, buildings were going up like crazy. The Natatorium, the Dining Hall, Dorms - this building, that building - all while articles were going out over and over again about preparing for the end of the world.

Articles by Dale Schurter about preparing for famine. Articles telling teenagers to get ready to be changed in just a matter of years. Sermons prepping people for the Place of Safety. Whole articles about Petra - that GTA and a few others went to as a psychological tool to evoke deep feelings. All of this was a coordinated and deliberate effort to increase funds. And evidence through writings by GTA himself says that they themselves knew nothing was ever going to happen. When 1972 came and went, it was time to enact damage control, with half-hearted we didn't mean it and maybe overdid it recalls of everything the members had gone through - instead of a full walk-back, blaming the members that they were not ready.

And instead of walking it all back - they went to say that something momentous DID happen that day on January 7, 1972 - they got Readers Digest Ads. That's the definition of Damage Control. At the same time, the scandals of GTA and debauchery were coming out full throttle - and the wickedness that was reigning inside the Church through the entirety of The Big Push during the 1960s was being revealed to all.

Everything about that time frame was absolutely and certainly shrouded in a well-coordinated deception. Yet, we still wonder - did it turn this way over time, or did it start like this in the beginning, and were we all had from the start?

Looking at who Herbert Armstrong got on his team is pretty telling. Herman Hoeh had already been convinced of British Israelism - and was a very powerful thinker and organizer about such a movement before he even came on board. In fact, the only thing he wasn't really convinced of was the festivals. Then came the McNair clan from Arkansas. And then, Rod Meredith and Bob Seelig came on board. It was quite a team. And all of them were fully aware of the "Ambassador Extravagance", especially  when Armstrong's De Soto and his son's other expensive car were seen and called no lack of drama among the first students. Rod Meredith himself admitted to this in no uncertain terms in an early GN article.

It is also worth noting that there never really was any sort of emergency. These "emergency claims" were spoken without cessation for over 40 years. In these emergencies the cash built up to such amazing results that not only were the radio stations easily purchased - but soon, every sort of fine treasure to a Gulfstream Jet to dinnerware in the tens of thousands were purchased. And the ministers became the highest paid in the world, according to the Business Manager, as he said it to Herbert Armstrong.

The Loans for the Auditorium were long term, and ended somewhere around the middle 1990s. Astoundingly - well, not really, this was the exact coincidental time that the Big Changes, with the force and fury of a cannon, and the empathy of a rabid porcupine, took place - after denials and denials from the Headquarters that it was ever going to happen. I can recall back in 1991 and 1992 reading magazines that were hinting towards big changes in the Church that the Church was constantly denying would ever happen - only to see it happen in four years with a "If you don't like it, go to Global" message from Tkach. I saw the deception first hand - that same deception that went on during times past. The deception through the 40s to the 70s to get as much money as possible, while proclaiming it was actually the mission of the members to give and back them up - without grumbling, or complaining, conditioned entirely and effectively to completely being finger-whipped into absolute obedience.

So the question remains. Did Herbert Armstrong really believe that he was who he said he was?

I believe he deluded himself, using rationalization, to believe that he was an apostle. I believe he deluded himself, by listening to the words of others, that he was the most important man in the world. After all, he was funding hundreds of people who were relying on his paycheck for their living. If Herbert fell, they all fell. Am I suggesting that the top ministers may have actually enabled and enhanced the delusion on Herbert for their own selfish benefit? You be the judge. No one was going to possibly let, in my opinion, Herbert believe for a second he wasn't what he thought he was - because then all the top evangelists and hundreds of the best paid ministers would be out of a job. Perhaps the key to their jobs was enhancing Herbert's delusion of himself so they all could be guaranteed a posh and luxury life - all at the expense of the little people.

Herbert Armstrong started a work based on personal ambition, success, importance, and prosperity. Once he got a team on board, and this work took off - no one was going to let it collapse. Regardless of the cost. You can easily see this spirit of competition and assurance to Herbert that he was who he says he was all through the 50s and 60s. He had a financial formula that worked. And everyone knew it. And everyone kept it going.

Even making the poor people believe they were about to go to Petra, or lose their salvation for letting up the income.

Yes, I do believe that Herbert Armstrong, later in life, really believed that he was who he said he was. But I believe this was a powerful delusion, only accepted after being convinced and enabled to believe such by selfish ministers who wanted their own stake of the fortune, who would reinforce the delusion to pad their own pockets in luxury as long as they could, until they could not anymore - when there was no way to carry the load of debt and burden.

And that's when we turn the corner to 1995, and begin to see all the roaches come out of the woodwork once the empire fell.

When a Church Violates Your Sacred Trust

I was born into a cult. Born in it.

This is important to understand in the context of this post.

Being born into a way of thinking - a mind-frame - is a way more potent form of indoctrination then making the choice to enter a cult after first being established in a former way of thinking. Of course, this is not the only factor into how intense the indoctrination is.

Other factors include the level of fear that the family shows on violating the doctrines of the cult, the level of adherence to all of the doctrines and expectations of the cult, and how receptive the person born into the cult actually is (the level of rebellion set pretty low.) In my case - the level of fear was at the top of the chain (out of my control, there were issues), the adherence level was borderline neurotic, and I was born with a trusting personality. All of this combined to create the perfect atmosphere for what I call Cultic Brainwashing Syndrome.

The trust factor was exponentially high for me.

The full and trusted, never-questioned authority in my mind, due to this high dose of toxic indoctrination, meant one thing in my mind: The word of the Minister WAS the word. In fact, I can remember staunchly defending the doctrines of the Church as far and as young as I can remember to anyone who would hear me, making me automatically the weirdo and the reject. (I'd even so far as VOLUNTEER the information to an unsuspecting Normal Person.) I fully expected the trumpet to sound, Christ to return, and eventually, we'd be sitting pretty ruling, and I'd finally get my own planet. MY very own planet to dictate to. I never took the time to imagine I could possibly be given a useless, impossible-to-develop, solid-less GAS planet, with the fiercest storms and most toxic atmosphere ever thought of - just full of hot air a place you'd never want to be. (Isn't this an apt description!)

When I grew older, and fully accepted the Armstrong dogmas, and was baptized, living my life in full assurance of Armstrongism (cognitive dissonance and all), my trust in the Church was violated in the space of two hours. The two hours when Joseph W. Tkach, The Head Honcho of the Church, blew apart everything that I ever believed and accepted in the Church. And I do mean, everything.

Herbert Armstrong (LEFT) and Joseph Tkach (RIGHT)

It helps if you look at this in terms of a relationship. It was as if your spouse, who spent 20 years of your marriage presenting exactly the way she was, in full belief of you, took you aside, and in ten minutes told you she was living a double life, was getting a sex change, had a girlfriend for all of those 20 years, had three children you did not know, and oh, by the way - went and did things all the time she told you she hated. It was a shell-shocking blast worthy of Krakatoa.

Now, imagine if this person did this in a cold, calloused, unfeeling, like it or leave it matter, suddenly, without preparation - and told you this is how it was, without even a real, heartfelt, believable apology.

This is the impact. It was like your pastor, your minister, your link to salvation, walked up to you, pulled out a pair of pliers, and yanked out your teeth. No sedation, no drug, no warning. And then said, now you need to learn to eat properly. Have fun with it.

This church violated my sacred trust. It was a relationship. Abusive as it was, it was still a relationship. The extent of the damage of that day could not be measured until many, many years later, undergoing intensive and extensive de-programming therapy.

What do you do when a church violates your sacred trust then? Denominationally, or individually - what can you do? Is there even a way forward? How does one even know how to think? Or how to ever trust again?

I'm not a psychologist. I'm not an expert at how this all works. All I can do is tell you what I was.

I was angry. I was confused. I did not know what to think. And when I investigated further, I became more shocked to discover the truth about not only the church I trusted, but every other factual piece of truth that crumbled every conception I had about the organization that made my life what it was. I felt betrayed. Depression, sadness, and deeper shock set in with every piece of evidence that proved to me that things weren't what I thought they were.

This violation of trust opened my mind to discovering things I had never seen before. I had never noticed the extent of the carnal and horrid nature of Herbert Armstrong. I had never really known the extent of Garner Ted's double life of debauchery. I had never realized how the Co-Worker letters were nothing but fear-laden sales letters, or how hundreds on hundreds of prophecies failed, or how many lies were told to the children of the church by all levels of leadership. I never knew about the massive "ambassador extravagence", or the deceptions involved with financing the master plan of the College on one hand, and getting money by telling the church the world was going to end and give, give, give as a final push on the other hand. I never saw the "coincidences" that were not coincidences at all that fit every puzzle piece together. I never understood the incongruity of the entire farce, until it hit me as a slap in the face of what the church I was involved in actually was - a business, under the pretense of a church.

Not only was my trust violated - but my every perception of what I had lived in thrust me into having to rewire every conception of what I believed was truth. I had to literally rewire, and rethink every thing that I held dear, and try to make sense of the world around me with new eyes, and with new vision. I felt like an alien, stripped of all sense of knowing and reality. This, in conjunction with many other life-issues I will not go into here - was simply a hell hole from the ass of a dragon.

How is it that I was able to accept? To move on? To learn to live?

First - I had to understand that I did not order the circumstances that defined my life. I was not at fault for the things that made my life what it was. I was caught up in something that was completely beyond my control and my abilities. Blaming myself, or wallowing in a pity party for the cards I was dealt, was useless. What was, is what was, and it is, what it is. Period. This came very clear to me after I nearly lost my life due to my medical conditions.

The ability to learn to think logically was paramount. A peaceful scene helps. 

Second - I had to accept the things that I could not change. The serenity prayer is very, very useful and true. God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Third - I needed help. This was the hardest part. I could not do this on my own. This was beyond me and my faculties to handle. So I had to bite the bullet - and get the de-programming help that I needed. My life depended on it. I had to learn how to handle the anxiety and the stress that the environment fueled, so my heart would have a better chance of avoiding a fatal relapse.

Fourth - I had to realize that the church I grew up in was composed of imperfect people. I had to understand what I always sang... "Put your trust not in mortals, for in them is no help." I had personal, absolute, irrefutable evidence of the involvement of Jesus in my life. Without Him, and the way He managed the way things happened as only a Superior Intelligence could, I guarantee you I would be dead right now, at this minute.

Most importantly, and finally. I had to learn to forgive.

Forgiving Herbert Armstrong is important to do. It's a work in progress. (Envoy)

The Worldwide Church of God was a church that violated my trust. It took everything away from me. But the Worldwide Church of God was composed of imperfect people running a worldly organization in worldly ways. The true Church of God is spiritual - and is composed of people who are known by their fruits, not by physical signs - but by the spiritual recognition of love for one another. It was vital that I learned that to move forward, I had to forgive each and every one of them.

Let's be honest. Have I done so? Completely? Totally? Do you expect me to say yes? I can't. I'm still working on it. But that's the honest, truthful answer. I'm not angry anymore - I'm right now in a process of rehabilitation. But I am trying. And I'm not going to lie when my heart is telling me that absolute forgiveness hasn't happened yet - totally and completely. But I understand that it is something that I am striving for, and with the help of God, I will be able to, someday, and hopefully soon, be able to say to Herbert, and to Joe, and all the others in my mind, yes, I absolutely and wholeheartedly forgive you. Because until I can imagine looking at Herbert Armstrong in my minds' eye and embracing him with a forgiving hug, instead of blasting him with words and forcing him to hear my side until I'm done - I don't think I am there yet.

Dealing with when a Church violates your Sacred Trust takes time. And patience. And effort. But it is a process that cannot be ignored, or swept under the rug. It is a process you must take. And it is a process you must not take alone. In the multitude of council there is wisdom. Embrace it. Swallow your pride, and let others work with you to move forward.

It's definitely and absolutely worth the effort.

How Religion Became a Business

There really is not anything that infuriates me more than when I turn on the television and I see a televangelist using every sales tactic in the world to convince his followers that God's Blessings are in direct proportion to the amount of money that you give to their church.

There are many fancy names they have for this practice. "Sowing seeds", that's a big one. "Seeds for Harvest" - I've heard that a time or two. Often times, they insert a highly snactimonious prayer - saying IF you sow this seed, God will bless you back five-fold, ten-fold, hundred-fold - or even thousand-fold. Then, they will tell the accounts of everyone who has been blessed back. Of course, there's a disclaimer - there is no promise that this is what will happen to you. Because, of course, it depends on your faith.

Many have bought into this - and have been burnt big time. Others have bought into it and may have seemed to have seen a return (confirmation bias). But the truth is, the Jesus of the scriptures never preached a prosperity message that linked his blessings to money - where you are essentially buying God's protection and buying God's favor. God's blessing is a free gift, without merit, and fully through the gift of God's Spirit through faith in Jesus Christ. You cannot purchase your way to riches, just like you cannot purchase salvation. What God has always looked at is your heart - and how the fruits of the Spirit positively impact the lives of others in and around you, to the glory of God. That is, Christ in You - the hope of Glory.

So where DID this practice originate?

Sadly, one of the pioneer televangelists to conceive and successfully use this practice was the man that founded the cult that I was born and raised in - Herbert Armstrong, and his Worldwide Church of God.

Herbert Armstrong was one of the first to utilize mass media to reach massive amounts of people to send income to a centralized source. Before Herbert actually did so, however, he studied intensively, through books, papers - and personally hanging out with rich and affluent people  the "secrets" and the skills of money. He took fervent note of every action he needed to do to become successful in the world. He listened to advice that he later would say he carried with him for his whole life. In conjunction with this, he learned how to sell through advertising. He learned every technique, every tool, every trick of the trade to get people to buy his products. He attended advertising merchant meetings - and became extremely good at his trade. That is, until the depression - when there was no product to sell.

Until he found a product to sell.

Challenged by his wife, Loma, to prove her wrong about a controversial belief of Christianity, the day of Worship (Loma became a Sabbatarian), Herbert began to embark on a six-month study to "prove her wrong". But here is where I need to stop and explain something to place this into proper context.

Herbert would claim various times that people would meet him years later and say he didn't act like a pastor. He acted like a businessman - a Chicago Businessman. He echoed this later as well, that he always approached his ministry in the ways of business. This is the key, I believe to seeing his approach to everything that he did. He viewed himself as a businessman throughout. Therefore, it stands to reason that his six-month study of all things "Christianity" was viewed with the filter and the vision, not of Christianity, but of business.  He himself admitted he "threw everything out" that he ever learned about Christianity, and, with a totally clean slate - a different perspective - read scripture. And what a trove he found - if he looks at it all with the eyes of a businessman.

Tithing. There we go - God said it - that can be proved. There's an income source. Oh wait! There's a second tithe for what? Festivals? And offerings! They can give income at the Festival - as offerings! Oh, look - a THIRD Tithe to support widows and orphans too! Well, there's the income!

Oh yes, all business has to be totally unique. Hey, look - the Saturday Sabbath! No one else does that! That would certainly be unique! We've got to differentiate! Wait - look at that command - no graven images. All these other churches have graven images - they've got to be wrong! This will do it! Look at what they are doing - Christmas, Easter - see where I'm going with this?

When you look at the Bible out of context. When you look at the scriptures like a book, read front to back, as a legal code or business structure - an organizational manual - you can certainly see how one who is intent on finding a product to sell could certainly find a treasure trove there. And this is what Herbert did.

And the conditions were absolutely perfect for his success. The world was fearful. It had come out of one war and was entering another one. Weapons had become large, and fearsome. Worldwide annihilation was now possible. For the first time, man was looking at his own mortality. It appeared that one could now literally look down the barrel of time and assume that the "end of the ages" was now looming on the horizon. Technology was mushrooming in ways that never happened before. All the materials were there. And the materials that would have squelched his efforts were NOT there - i.e., information, fact-checking, the internet, resources, and historical documentation. He had the perfect scenario for explosive growth - if he played his cards right.

And played his cards right he did. He was able to utilize the techniques of many other organizations - the Seventh Day Adventists, the Jehovah's Witnesses, even the Mormons, into his business. He morphed in a theory of British Israelism to appeal to his target audience - America and Britain - for high morale and superiority. He recruited people who were masters at persuasion - people like Herman "The Brain" Hoeh, who could turn any text into support for his doctrinal positions. People like Rod Meredith - a master orator. People like Raymond McNair - smooth talkers like Gerald Waterhouse. Even his own brother - a four-part harmony piano player.

And then, there was radio. Now, he had clients. An audience. Turns out, he had everything going for him there, too. He had a deep, resonant, preacher's voice that he learned how to use in sales effectively. And he had a product. That product was a twist on the Gospel - a message that he alone had given directly to him. A message that he, under God and Christ, would - with all those who bought into his doctrine - would literally rule and reign with Christ as kings - transforming this Earth into a Utopia - the true Government of God - ruling with a rod of iron, swiftly and severely punishing anyone who dared to be different - literally "forcing" their subjects into happiness.

This appealed to people.

To "prove" he was right, he used a carrot and stick approach. In three to five years, you'll see it all come to fruition. Problem is, it never did. So people kept giving, waiting, giving, waiting, giving, waiting. The church would grow larger, and greater. More radio stations. Then TV. More people. And larger, and greater.

Herbert would keep the income flowing by his sales skills. More crisis! Emergency! Give! Don't Slack! Crisis! Over, and over, and over again, letter after letter - it's happening now. Look! It's happening! It really is! Right now! See? Just wait. Oh wait. It's not happening. You're not trying enough! Give more! Have more faith! If it's not happening, you're the only one to blame!.....

And all the while that Herbert was blasting out how horrible the finances were - those at the top were doing mighty well. Top executives were driving Jaguars. Wearing expensive coats. Shopping at expensive places. And most of all - expanding their empire with a massive building project that would be completed in 1972 - through a weave of lies and campaigns of fear designed specifically to push enough money through to finance the grand idol of the scheme - the Ambassador Auditorium - composed of the most costly gems and products of the world, to schmooze the richest and most powerful of Hollywood cementing Herbert Armstrong as a status symbol of importance and success.

I know this is true, for one thing, because of the pages of history. They speak for themselves. Failed prophecy, greed, vanity, ego, the accounts of those who suffered, the fruits of the organization, and where it is (or actually, isn't) right now, to name a few. 

And others caught on to the formula - with a more "mainstream" approach. And so, you see the televangelists of today using, in one form or another, generally the same principles that Herbert helped to pave the way for them to use.

The intention of Christianity was never to become a business. The intention of Christianity is service and love - servant leadership, and servant lifestyle. It's a way of life not of covetousness, or materialism, or gold, and silver. It's a way of life that shows Christ in you through His Spirit - the fruits of which are love, and joy, and long-suffering, and patience, and kindness, and mercy, and self-control - leading others to see a life worth living not in materialism, where rot and decay will always fail, but in virtue - treasures stored in heaven.

I won't watch those televangelists anymore. I've rejected the concepts of Armstrong. I'm learning the methods to de-program myself from his influence. And it's helpful to know the truth of the matter - of when religion became a business. Because, when I see the business of televangelist religion's tall, massive skyscrapers looming ahead on the horizon, filled with the expensive suits and the smooth tongues - and all the guilt and mammon you can handle -  I can guarantee you there's corruption and worldliness to it's core. I'd rather turn right on the little dirt road, find the small house and the shack, and meet the ones who are genuine, and real.

Only there can you hear the wind, the birds, the breeze - and it's quiet enough to hear the small and gentle whisper of the Spirit of God.

Selected Photos from "The Envoy" - Ambassador College

Emotional Mind, Logical Mind - and Armstrongism's Impact

One of the tools that has been very helpful to me with the detoxification and deprogramming of Armstrongism's influence in my life has been the discovery of the spectrum of thought that people have between the two extremes of mindfulness - the Emotional Mind, which is FAR on the left, and the Logical Mind, which is FAR on the right. And no, I am not speaking politically here.

The Emotional mind, as I have learned, is a mind whose decisions and whose actions are influenced by emotion. To the degree of which depends on where you fit on the scale.

The Logical mind is a mind whose decisions and actions are influenced by how the mind determines the logic or rationality of the situation. Also, to the degree if which depends on where you fit on that scale.

People fall all over on this spectrum - depending on their circumstances. Some have a full-left emotional mind, which causes them to behave based solely on emotion. This can be very detrimental to sound reasoning, tantrums, and a huge variety of different emotional characteristics. Some have a full-right logical mind, which causes them to tune out any form of emotion, and make decisions based solely on how logical or reasonable, or rational a solution may be, without consideration of the emotional part, which seems rather useless and "illogical" to them. The "ideal" between the two to reach some degree of balance is, of course, a balanced position in the middle - where emotion and logic intertwine and create a healthy way of thinking - in a perfect world, anyway.

And now, we enter in Armstrongism.

The entire premise of Armstrongism was rooted in emotion. This may seem contradictory at first glance. After all, Armstrongism seemed to denounce and squash any kind of emotion with the intensity of a steel crusher in many cases - such as, when you feel inspiring music, squelch it - hold the inappropriate applause. Yet the emotion that they used to bring in the converts to their way of thinking was a very profound emotion - fear. This swung people, and quickly, to the emotional mindset (even the logical minded people.)

The decisions made then, when entering, and in armstrongism had the element of emotionalism involved - even when it did not seem like it was emotionalism. There was always thoughts like:

• Am I going to qualify? (Fear you will not, and end up destroyed.)
• Am I trying hard enough? (Fear you are not, end up a slacker, and end up destroyed.)
• Should I do what I'm told, even though I don't think it's right? (For fear of disobedience, and end up put out of the church and destroyed.)
• Did I just break a commandment? (For fear you've angered God, and end up destroyed.)
• Am I really trying hard enough for grace to cover me for my law breaking? (same story.)

The emotion that tipped the scale of most people from the logical to the emotional side was the emotion of fear. This is what made the doctrines of Herbert Armstrong thrive. And when you are tipped on the scale from the logical side to the emotional side - then you begin to succomb to the demands of the one who is instilling the fear in you.

Fear is not always logical. Fear is enhanced by believing the person or the thing making you fearful. For instance, look at the claims that Herbert Armstrong always made.

• I speak for Christ. I am an Apostle. I have divine authority. What I say goes. 
• I have the power to loose and to bind. My power is from God. 
• I have the only true gospel that has ever been preached in 1900 years. I am God's chosen vessel.
• Disobeying me and the ministers is the same as disobeying Christ. 
• If you aren't obeying the Government of God (me), you aren't really in the Church.

 These of course, are just a few points that were designed to program you to believe in the claims of his interpretations of his doctrines. But that was just the start. Now let's look at what he would call those who did not measure up to him (once the fear element was believed.)

• Slacker, coward, lukewarm, unconverted, slothful, rebellious, lazy, selfish, deceived, covetous, idolatrous (and many, many more.)

All of this played to the emotional side (even for the logically minded people). Once you were trapped in the fear - and then believed the negative statements for not doing as much as you should be doing (whether spiritually, financially, or physically), then you have tripped completely to the emotion-based mind, and are trapped in the "spell" of Armstrongism - tithe, pray, and obey - for fear you will anger the minister, or that you will anger God - to the detriment of the well being of you, your family, your friends, and everyone else you have known.

One might think they're being logical because of Herbert's "evidence". But when looking at Herbert's way of reasoning in his booklets, papers, and writings - it is riddled FULL of emotionalism throughout. He had catchphrases that he always used with his logic to demean, and beat down, and insult the intelligence and logical reasoning of those who would read his material. It doesn't take but a few paragraphs into his writings to read them, and see how often he talked down to his readers.

• "You may be surprised to know".
• "Do you?"
• "Now listen to GOD'S teaching."
• "This is what you should have done."
•  "LISTEN! Understand this."
• "Read it ALL"
• "NOTICE it!"

These subtle wordings dispelled your logical mind to give more measure to your emotional mind. Call it "trickery" if you want to - but it causes you to place weight emotionally without truly considering it logically. It's also a technique used by salespeople to create emotion to make you buy a product. Who, by the way, also use fear to enhance urgency. "You've got to buy this today, we might not have any left, and then you're completely out of luck. We won't have another sale like this. Don't miss out, because there's none less after this!" - well, that is, until tomorrow. "Oh, we got an unexpected shipment. But THIS is truly the last time! Act TODAY!"

So when it comes to the emotional mind vs. the logical mind in Armstrongism - how do we possibly begin to reason in balance? If the goal truly is balance.

What I've done, and what works for me, is to:

• Breathe, relax, and break down what's being said - factually. 
• Rule out the "what if's". "What if's" rarely become the real story. 
• Find out what the real truth of the matter is - not what you have been told it is, or think it is. 

In the case of armstrongism, there are logical explanations to their claims that have to be looked at, if we are to think logically.

• Factually - there has not been one prophecy they have uttered that has come true. 
• Factually - their claims of the World Tomorrow have not happened. 
• Factually - there are many ministers who have been verified as having unchristian fruits.

It would be a good idea to make a list of the facts that you have experienced - without the emotion, without the "hype", without anything but the honest truth of what you are experiencing. Then, to write down the FACTS of what impacts that your experiences have caused or done. This is logic-minded - without the fear or the emotional baggage that has been cast onto you through the emotional mind.

This is what has worked for me. It may not work for you exactly, and nothing I say should be construed as advice you should necessarily do - I'm not a professional, and anything I recommend is only what I have done, and has helped me - and you do at your own risk (I'm saying, this may not do a darn thing for you.)

Learning the logical mind, the emotional mind, and ridding yourself of the influence of FEAR is, without any doubt, one of the most important things that I have learned since undergoing de-programming from the toxic cultish influences of Armstrongism in my life.

May God grant you the healing and the ability to grow onward in blessing in your life.