If You are Traumatized, You Can't Just Let it Go.

One of the admins over on Banned posted a post on the blog over there called "2019, rise above your darkness, let it go". Though the essential message was well-meaning, and some of the elements had good intentions, the three words that are the most ineffective and invalidating to a survivor of a traumatic experience, whether emotional or physical, are "Let It Go".

Even for Christians.

Perhaps many remember the namesake song from the movie "Frozen". It's a nice concept. It's a beautiful concept. It seems so easy, doesn't it? Now I'm not saying that Jesus doesn't have the power, or his followers don't have the faith for a supernatural miracle of deliverance from all of the effects of trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, and all of the associated emotional damage which is associated with the deep indoctrinations and damage from a severe cult experience. Yet this path may in fact, be detrimental for those who could gain much needed life-skills, coping skills, thought-skills, and life management skills for those who have been victimized by the charlatans and greedy wolves who take advantage and emotionally molest those who put their trust within them. These skills are best obtained by doing the one thing that cults hate their victims to do: Seek the help of professional counselors and services.

The skills that I have learned through over four years of professional therapy have taught me things that I never, ever were taught or understood within the confined, walled-in kingdom of Herbert-Armstrong. I never understood how cults damage and rewire the brain the way they do. I never understood the massive effects that their brainwashing, indoctrination, propaganda, and negativity caused in upsetting the logic vs. emotional balance of the mind. I never learned the concept of mindfulness, or the meaningful brain-healing of meditation and loving-kindness. I consider the things I have learned, and have been taught as absolutely life-saving and priceless beyond words.I am learning the skills to handle major depression and severe anxiety. It is an ongoing, critical process - especially when balancing these issues with a severe heart condition (which, by the way, could have been managed much, much earlier had Herbert Armstrong not got his nose into other people's lives due to greed and the love of money and power). It is a process that would not have been possible had I not received professional help. The truth is, if I had not received professional help, I would not have known HOW to BEGIN the process of overcoming, and managing the effects of Armstrongism in my life. The truth is, at this time, I would have been dead.

It would be easy for Jesus to supernaturally wave his Hands and "Poof"! Everything's gone and healed and it's all okay now, and life goes on. It would be a miracle, absolutely! It would be spectacular! Until the person - who has not learned any new life skills - or gained new insights or knowledge - gets - through his or her own deficiencies - into situations - has a whole new set of problems and begs for healing again. And what has truly, in the long run, been accomplished? Jesus can do things miraculously. Yet often, he brings us to a path to take advantage of learning, of growing - to eliminate the root causes that cause the peripheral issues in the first place.

It reminds me of all of the Christians who seek a sign, or a miraculous intervention, or a powerful healing - and then don't receive it - and miss out on a God-ordained way that is better and wiser than some miraculous intervention. See, God COULD have abruptly healed me. He could have taken away my heart condition before it nearly led to my early death. He could have fixed my anxiety issues without any problem! Sure, He could have - in a second! Yet, if he did - I would not have learned. I would not have grown. I would not have built character, or learned skills never taught to most until they "have" to know them. I would never have been given the incredible network of heart doctors and cult-recovery professionals I have now.

Because of the path Jesus led me on beyond a supernatural manifestation of electrifying power from the Higher Dimensions, I am alive, and I am growing. Jesus' ways are higher in so many ways than ours. There are sometimes better ways, in the long run, then "Poof, You're healed". Many times, the higher way is in wisdom and in understanding and experience.

No, for many, you can't just "let it go". There is a class of people who think they've let it go - but have not dealt with the underlying issues that are the more serious problems from trauma and pain, and hurt. These people think they've let it go - but haven't. They've buried their pain deep within, unwilling to bring it out, to work it out, and to learn and to grow. They're hurting themselves by their lack of getting help.

For those who truly have "let it go", consider it a blessing, and perhaps a miracle, and be thankful you have the strength to do so. For those who think they have, but deep down know they haven't - or those who KNOW they haven't. Get help. It's okay to admit you need help, and to get help. You will learn invaluable things, you will grow - and maybe, just maybe - that could be God's will for your life.

So if you're a Christian, and these words have touched you somehow, may I make a recommendation?

Please pray about it. Seek the will of the Father. Ask Jesus to take control and if it is his will for you to go the path of seeking help - that He would guide and lead and take control and charge of your life. And trust Him. The path may be long, and the journey may he hard. But you will be forever grafeful for the lifelong benefits - and wisdom - you will have attained.

May your journey to recovery be full of grace and healing.

Using Logic-Mindfulness to Help Heal from Emotional Abuse

Thinking Logically can Help Heal Wounds

If there's one thing that provokes deep emotion - it's the bully.

Unfortunately, bullying seems to start as soon as a person begins to integrate with society. And many times, the reason is very, very simple: The victim of the bully is somehow perceived as different.

Maybe the young person stands out because of what that individual is not. Perhaps that individual is uncoordinated, or un-athletic. Perhaps that individual has poor eyesight, or hearing. Perhaps that person has an impediment, or a disability. Regardless of the reason, the bully feels the need to use their appearance of superiority to enhance themselves and diminish the other person. It's emotional - regardless of the amount of negativity, it's rooted deeply in emotion.

Bullying is not confined to children, however. Bullying can ,and does, happen in colleges, at work, in homes, in public places - wherever there are people, there's bound to be a bully. And the end results are always the same: Discouragement, Retraction, Isolation, loss of confidence, and avoidance. And invariably, you begin to forget the good things you are, or simply not believe the good things you are,  and only concentrate on the bad things that you are, which leads to a very, very skewed perception of your reality that changes who you are, and eats at you little by little, like a slowly growing cancer.

I was a bully victim in my youth, be cause I was different - and by the very people that were supposed to be the ones you'd think you could trust not to be bullies. I'm talking about the kids of the Church.

Not that they did not have "good reason". My clothes were different, coming from a poor family. My athleticism was nearly non-existent, since I was in non-traditional education. My behavior was non-conformed, because of a great deal of time away from church. In short, I did not fit the mold. I did not "cut the cheese". I did not make the grade to get into the cliques of youthfulness, where acceptance and coolness are everything, and maturity and wisdom are literally non-existent. It's never a good feeling to be the target of any form of bullying.

What a bully says to you does not define you. It does not validate their beliefs. And more than anything, it does not determine who you are, or what you can or cannot accomplish. A bully runs on emotion, who has not learned yet the skills of being logic-minded. And because their analysis of "you" is not logical, it's not "logical" that their opinion of you is truth.

 Using the skills I have learned, the reality of what I went through in the Church with bullies is this:

I was raised and born in a cult environment. That's a fact.

I was not the only one messed up. That's a huge fact. A lot of problems were brought on by the doctrines themselves, and the result of buying into those doctrines and how it affected entire families.

Nearly everyone, in some degree or another, was as messed up as I was. Even the most liberal of the families. We all had our issues. We all had our problems. We all had our struggles. And we all had our own methods to deal with what we went through. Because we all were in the same authoritive, dictatorial way of life which rejected so much of what living is about, and separating ourselves from just about everybody except for those just like us - how could we be expected to not have difficulties? To think I was the only one who was different than the others just couldn't be the case. Once every one of us went into "the world" into school or into work, it didn't matter who we were. Each of us were the oddball. Each of us were the one kid who didn't keep Christmas, or Easter - or participate in any "worldly" thing, or were kept home from Friday night or Saturday activities. Each of us were the different one. Every one of us was the target. And when we all met together at church - the misplaced anger from their experiences was then targeted to the weakest of the church group. In short, we all went through it. This doesn't excuse them, or any bully. But it does help to understand the emotions that were hidden in all of us.

There are causes for every situation, and logical explanations for every question. And thinking back, using logical mindfulness, instead of emotion-driven butt-hurt, can lead to discoveries that pop out that emotion can be quick to consume. If we can get past the emotions that consumed us with the things that have hurt us so much in the past, and look at things with logical-mindfulness, the only effect can be realizations that will help you see things in a new perspective, that can only benefit with healing and recovery.

When you use logical mindfulness to those moments that brought you the most hurt, it can help a great deal to cope with those who haven't yet mastered the skill of the resource of logic-mindfulness, as you put yourself in their shoes, and realize that the root cause of their behavior isn't because you are who you are - it's because they have not accepted and do not like who they are, and using you as a target of their own insecurities.

The ever hurtful people I remember were such ornery, cantankerous kids in the youth group of my past are all grown up now, with children, and some with even grandchildren. There is truth to the phrase "this too, shall pass". To everything there is a season. And regardless of the paths that we have taken in life, nothing can change the way that it was. The only thing I can change is what i do with the memories I hold with me today, and the life that I have in the years to come. And using the tools of logic-mindfulness in the way I address the past, and the ability to change the future, there's progress, a little at a time.