If You are Traumatized, You Can't Just Let it Go.

One of the admins over on Banned posted a post on the blog over there called "2019, rise above your darkness, let it go". Though the essential message was well-meaning, and some of the elements had good intentions, the three words that are the most ineffective and invalidating to a survivor of a traumatic experience, whether emotional or physical, are "Let It Go".

Even for Christians.

Perhaps many remember the namesake song from the movie "Frozen". It's a nice concept. It's a beautiful concept. It seems so easy, doesn't it? Now I'm not saying that Jesus doesn't have the power, or his followers don't have the faith for a supernatural miracle of deliverance from all of the effects of trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, and all of the associated emotional damage which is associated with the deep indoctrinations and damage from a severe cult experience. Yet this path may in fact, be detrimental for those who could gain much needed life-skills, coping skills, thought-skills, and life management skills for those who have been victimized by the charlatans and greedy wolves who take advantage and emotionally molest those who put their trust within them. These skills are best obtained by doing the one thing that cults hate their victims to do: Seek the help of professional counselors and services.

The skills that I have learned through over four years of professional therapy have taught me things that I never, ever were taught or understood within the confined, walled-in kingdom of Herbert-Armstrong. I never understood how cults damage and rewire the brain the way they do. I never understood the massive effects that their brainwashing, indoctrination, propaganda, and negativity caused in upsetting the logic vs. emotional balance of the mind. I never learned the concept of mindfulness, or the meaningful brain-healing of meditation and loving-kindness. I consider the things I have learned, and have been taught as absolutely life-saving and priceless beyond words.I am learning the skills to handle major depression and severe anxiety. It is an ongoing, critical process - especially when balancing these issues with a severe heart condition (which, by the way, could have been managed much, much earlier had Herbert Armstrong not got his nose into other people's lives due to greed and the love of money and power). It is a process that would not have been possible had I not received professional help. The truth is, if I had not received professional help, I would not have known HOW to BEGIN the process of overcoming, and managing the effects of Armstrongism in my life. The truth is, at this time, I would have been dead.

It would be easy for Jesus to supernaturally wave his Hands and "Poof"! Everything's gone and healed and it's all okay now, and life goes on. It would be a miracle, absolutely! It would be spectacular! Until the person - who has not learned any new life skills - or gained new insights or knowledge - gets - through his or her own deficiencies - into situations - has a whole new set of problems and begs for healing again. And what has truly, in the long run, been accomplished? Jesus can do things miraculously. Yet often, he brings us to a path to take advantage of learning, of growing - to eliminate the root causes that cause the peripheral issues in the first place.

It reminds me of all of the Christians who seek a sign, or a miraculous intervention, or a powerful healing - and then don't receive it - and miss out on a God-ordained way that is better and wiser than some miraculous intervention. See, God COULD have abruptly healed me. He could have taken away my heart condition before it nearly led to my early death. He could have fixed my anxiety issues without any problem! Sure, He could have - in a second! Yet, if he did - I would not have learned. I would not have grown. I would not have built character, or learned skills never taught to most until they "have" to know them. I would never have been given the incredible network of heart doctors and cult-recovery professionals I have now.

Because of the path Jesus led me on beyond a supernatural manifestation of electrifying power from the Higher Dimensions, I am alive, and I am growing. Jesus' ways are higher in so many ways than ours. There are sometimes better ways, in the long run, then "Poof, You're healed". Many times, the higher way is in wisdom and in understanding and experience.

No, for many, you can't just "let it go". There is a class of people who think they've let it go - but have not dealt with the underlying issues that are the more serious problems from trauma and pain, and hurt. These people think they've let it go - but haven't. They've buried their pain deep within, unwilling to bring it out, to work it out, and to learn and to grow. They're hurting themselves by their lack of getting help.

For those who truly have "let it go", consider it a blessing, and perhaps a miracle, and be thankful you have the strength to do so. For those who think they have, but deep down know they haven't - or those who KNOW they haven't. Get help. It's okay to admit you need help, and to get help. You will learn invaluable things, you will grow - and maybe, just maybe - that could be God's will for your life.

So if you're a Christian, and these words have touched you somehow, may I make a recommendation?

Please pray about it. Seek the will of the Father. Ask Jesus to take control and if it is his will for you to go the path of seeking help - that He would guide and lead and take control and charge of your life. And trust Him. The path may be long, and the journey may he hard. But you will be forever grafeful for the lifelong benefits - and wisdom - you will have attained.

May your journey to recovery be full of grace and healing.

Using Logic-Mindfulness to Help Heal from Emotional Abuse

Thinking Logically can Help Heal Wounds

If there's one thing that provokes deep emotion - it's the bully.

Unfortunately, bullying seems to start as soon as a person begins to integrate with society. And many times, the reason is very, very simple: The victim of the bully is somehow perceived as different.

Maybe the young person stands out because of what that individual is not. Perhaps that individual is uncoordinated, or un-athletic. Perhaps that individual has poor eyesight, or hearing. Perhaps that person has an impediment, or a disability. Regardless of the reason, the bully feels the need to use their appearance of superiority to enhance themselves and diminish the other person. It's emotional - regardless of the amount of negativity, it's rooted deeply in emotion.

Bullying is not confined to children, however. Bullying can ,and does, happen in colleges, at work, in homes, in public places - wherever there are people, there's bound to be a bully. And the end results are always the same: Discouragement, Retraction, Isolation, loss of confidence, and avoidance. And invariably, you begin to forget the good things you are, or simply not believe the good things you are,  and only concentrate on the bad things that you are, which leads to a very, very skewed perception of your reality that changes who you are, and eats at you little by little, like a slowly growing cancer.

I was a bully victim in my youth, be cause I was different - and by the very people that were supposed to be the ones you'd think you could trust not to be bullies. I'm talking about the kids of the Church.

Not that they did not have "good reason". My clothes were different, coming from a poor family. My athleticism was nearly non-existent, since I was in non-traditional education. My behavior was non-conformed, because of a great deal of time away from church. In short, I did not fit the mold. I did not "cut the cheese". I did not make the grade to get into the cliques of youthfulness, where acceptance and coolness are everything, and maturity and wisdom are literally non-existent. It's never a good feeling to be the target of any form of bullying.

What a bully says to you does not define you. It does not validate their beliefs. And more than anything, it does not determine who you are, or what you can or cannot accomplish. A bully runs on emotion, who has not learned yet the skills of being logic-minded. And because their analysis of "you" is not logical, it's not "logical" that their opinion of you is truth.

 Using the skills I have learned, the reality of what I went through in the Church with bullies is this:

I was raised and born in a cult environment. That's a fact.

I was not the only one messed up. That's a huge fact. A lot of problems were brought on by the doctrines themselves, and the result of buying into those doctrines and how it affected entire families.

Nearly everyone, in some degree or another, was as messed up as I was. Even the most liberal of the families. We all had our issues. We all had our problems. We all had our struggles. And we all had our own methods to deal with what we went through. Because we all were in the same authoritive, dictatorial way of life which rejected so much of what living is about, and separating ourselves from just about everybody except for those just like us - how could we be expected to not have difficulties? To think I was the only one who was different than the others just couldn't be the case. Once every one of us went into "the world" into school or into work, it didn't matter who we were. Each of us were the oddball. Each of us were the one kid who didn't keep Christmas, or Easter - or participate in any "worldly" thing, or were kept home from Friday night or Saturday activities. Each of us were the different one. Every one of us was the target. And when we all met together at church - the misplaced anger from their experiences was then targeted to the weakest of the church group. In short, we all went through it. This doesn't excuse them, or any bully. But it does help to understand the emotions that were hidden in all of us.

There are causes for every situation, and logical explanations for every question. And thinking back, using logical mindfulness, instead of emotion-driven butt-hurt, can lead to discoveries that pop out that emotion can be quick to consume. If we can get past the emotions that consumed us with the things that have hurt us so much in the past, and look at things with logical-mindfulness, the only effect can be realizations that will help you see things in a new perspective, that can only benefit with healing and recovery.

When you use logical mindfulness to those moments that brought you the most hurt, it can help a great deal to cope with those who haven't yet mastered the skill of the resource of logic-mindfulness, as you put yourself in their shoes, and realize that the root cause of their behavior isn't because you are who you are - it's because they have not accepted and do not like who they are, and using you as a target of their own insecurities.

The ever hurtful people I remember were such ornery, cantankerous kids in the youth group of my past are all grown up now, with children, and some with even grandchildren. There is truth to the phrase "this too, shall pass". To everything there is a season. And regardless of the paths that we have taken in life, nothing can change the way that it was. The only thing I can change is what i do with the memories I hold with me today, and the life that I have in the years to come. And using the tools of logic-mindfulness in the way I address the past, and the ability to change the future, there's progress, a little at a time.

Emotional Mind, Logical Mind - and Armstrongism's Impact

One of the tools that has been very helpful to me with the detoxification and deprogramming of Armstrongism's influence in my life has been the discovery of the spectrum of thought that people have between the two extremes of mindfulness - the Emotional Mind, which is FAR on the left, and the Logical Mind, which is FAR on the right. And no, I am not speaking politically here.

The Emotional mind, as I have learned, is a mind whose decisions and whose actions are influenced by emotion. To the degree of which depends on where you fit on the scale.

The Logical mind is a mind whose decisions and actions are influenced by how the mind determines the logic or rationality of the situation. Also, to the degree if which depends on where you fit on that scale.

People fall all over on this spectrum - depending on their circumstances. Some have a full-left emotional mind, which causes them to behave based solely on emotion. This can be very detrimental to sound reasoning, tantrums, and a huge variety of different emotional characteristics. Some have a full-right logical mind, which causes them to tune out any form of emotion, and make decisions based solely on how logical or reasonable, or rational a solution may be, without consideration of the emotional part, which seems rather useless and "illogical" to them. The "ideal" between the two to reach some degree of balance is, of course, a balanced position in the middle - where emotion and logic intertwine and create a healthy way of thinking - in a perfect world, anyway.

And now, we enter in Armstrongism.

The entire premise of Armstrongism was rooted in emotion. This may seem contradictory at first glance. After all, Armstrongism seemed to denounce and squash any kind of emotion with the intensity of a steel crusher in many cases - such as, when you feel inspiring music, squelch it - hold the inappropriate applause. Yet the emotion that they used to bring in the converts to their way of thinking was a very profound emotion - fear. This swung people, and quickly, to the emotional mindset (even the logical minded people.)

The decisions made then, when entering, and in armstrongism had the element of emotionalism involved - even when it did not seem like it was emotionalism. There was always thoughts like:

• Am I going to qualify? (Fear you will not, and end up destroyed.)
• Am I trying hard enough? (Fear you are not, end up a slacker, and end up destroyed.)
• Should I do what I'm told, even though I don't think it's right? (For fear of disobedience, and end up put out of the church and destroyed.)
• Did I just break a commandment? (For fear you've angered God, and end up destroyed.)
• Am I really trying hard enough for grace to cover me for my law breaking? (same story.)

The emotion that tipped the scale of most people from the logical to the emotional side was the emotion of fear. This is what made the doctrines of Herbert Armstrong thrive. And when you are tipped on the scale from the logical side to the emotional side - then you begin to succomb to the demands of the one who is instilling the fear in you.

Fear is not always logical. Fear is enhanced by believing the person or the thing making you fearful. For instance, look at the claims that Herbert Armstrong always made.

• I speak for Christ. I am an Apostle. I have divine authority. What I say goes. 
• I have the power to loose and to bind. My power is from God. 
• I have the only true gospel that has ever been preached in 1900 years. I am God's chosen vessel.
• Disobeying me and the ministers is the same as disobeying Christ. 
• If you aren't obeying the Government of God (me), you aren't really in the Church.

 These of course, are just a few points that were designed to program you to believe in the claims of his interpretations of his doctrines. But that was just the start. Now let's look at what he would call those who did not measure up to him (once the fear element was believed.)

• Slacker, coward, lukewarm, unconverted, slothful, rebellious, lazy, selfish, deceived, covetous, idolatrous (and many, many more.)

All of this played to the emotional side (even for the logically minded people). Once you were trapped in the fear - and then believed the negative statements for not doing as much as you should be doing (whether spiritually, financially, or physically), then you have tripped completely to the emotion-based mind, and are trapped in the "spell" of Armstrongism - tithe, pray, and obey - for fear you will anger the minister, or that you will anger God - to the detriment of the well being of you, your family, your friends, and everyone else you have known.

One might think they're being logical because of Herbert's "evidence". But when looking at Herbert's way of reasoning in his booklets, papers, and writings - it is riddled FULL of emotionalism throughout. He had catchphrases that he always used with his logic to demean, and beat down, and insult the intelligence and logical reasoning of those who would read his material. It doesn't take but a few paragraphs into his writings to read them, and see how often he talked down to his readers.

• "You may be surprised to know".
• "Do you?"
• "Now listen to GOD'S teaching."
• "This is what you should have done."
•  "LISTEN! Understand this."
• "Read it ALL"
• "NOTICE it!"

These subtle wordings dispelled your logical mind to give more measure to your emotional mind. Call it "trickery" if you want to - but it causes you to place weight emotionally without truly considering it logically. It's also a technique used by salespeople to create emotion to make you buy a product. Who, by the way, also use fear to enhance urgency. "You've got to buy this today, we might not have any left, and then you're completely out of luck. We won't have another sale like this. Don't miss out, because there's none less after this!" - well, that is, until tomorrow. "Oh, we got an unexpected shipment. But THIS is truly the last time! Act TODAY!"

So when it comes to the emotional mind vs. the logical mind in Armstrongism - how do we possibly begin to reason in balance? If the goal truly is balance.

What I've done, and what works for me, is to:

• Breathe, relax, and break down what's being said - factually. 
• Rule out the "what if's". "What if's" rarely become the real story. 
• Find out what the real truth of the matter is - not what you have been told it is, or think it is. 

In the case of armstrongism, there are logical explanations to their claims that have to be looked at, if we are to think logically.

• Factually - there has not been one prophecy they have uttered that has come true. 
• Factually - their claims of the World Tomorrow have not happened. 
• Factually - there are many ministers who have been verified as having unchristian fruits.

It would be a good idea to make a list of the facts that you have experienced - without the emotion, without the "hype", without anything but the honest truth of what you are experiencing. Then, to write down the FACTS of what impacts that your experiences have caused or done. This is logic-minded - without the fear or the emotional baggage that has been cast onto you through the emotional mind.

This is what has worked for me. It may not work for you exactly, and nothing I say should be construed as advice you should necessarily do - I'm not a professional, and anything I recommend is only what I have done, and has helped me - and you do at your own risk (I'm saying, this may not do a darn thing for you.)

Learning the logical mind, the emotional mind, and ridding yourself of the influence of FEAR is, without any doubt, one of the most important things that I have learned since undergoing de-programming from the toxic cultish influences of Armstrongism in my life.

May God grant you the healing and the ability to grow onward in blessing in your life.