The Legacy of Church of God "Ministers" and Deception.

Power.

It's quite the word in the Churches of God, because those in charge have had a lot of it.

Add money in, and you've got a narcisist's dream job.

Then add supposed divine authority - and you are a god.

That's the long and short of the story of the ministers in the Churches of God, who for over 70 years have convinced good-hearted and well meaning people that they are the inheritors of supreme authority on the basis of a supposition of the inheritance of diving power through top-down ordination. And when people buy into that belief, there's little - if anything - that you can say, or do, that they won't believe is right.

That has been the story in the Churches of God ever since Herbert Armstrong began his vain, narcissistic scheme of self-interpretation of religion for the furtherance of his financial empire and worldly success. It has been a story that Herbert's hirelings have written over and over again - with tragic mental and physical results.

Not every one of these people - named "Ministers" of varying rank and title - have taken advantage of members in various ways as many have. But those that have taken advantage of members for their own benefit, either personally or corporately - have done so vigorously, unashamedly, and forcefully, as they personally have benefited from their perceived deceptive power plays. From the beginning, it has been the minister who has been served by those they have been entrusted to serve. It has been a culture of privilege, superiority, arrogance, pomposity, and hubris that had encompassed their entire lives - all enabled and created by the headquarters corporate who developed a system that rewarded them for their heavy-handedness towards those who they were entrusted to spiritually develop.

From the beginning, the "ministers" who were ordained into full-time ministry into the Church were given "the Good Life". At the peak of their financial prosperity, due to conning the members to believe they were required to give 30 percent or more of their income to the Church, they were given handsome salaries, expense accounts, for a time utility expense, parsonage credit, a fleet car - and that's just financially. They also - well, many of them - used the members of the Church as personal slaves - car washers, lawn mowers, movers, or anything else that the members were willing to do. And their "work"? Many of them in some areas really did not have much to "do" during the week! Prospective member visits were low, visitations were not always required, the occasional wedding and/or funeral, and a whole week to write a sermon or sermonette. Those who did have large congregations and were constantly busy had high expectations - and were sometimes the most brutal with their unrealistic and supposed authority that they pounded home was, according to them, from God.

They also had the full backing of their boss, Herbert Armstrong, when it came to disputes or claims of malpractice. Herbert Armstrong had a policy of always believing the minister's word over the members' claim - and let that be known specifically - if there was no specific evidence against the minister. The weight of that kind of backing was something the ministers knew and wielded well, in many cases.

And then there was the belief of absolute divine authority, which many ministers claimed they inherited via ordination - and the belief that their every decision was through the guiding ministry of a higher portion of the Spirit of God within them. From the very smallest to the very largest decisions, such a mindset and belief caused a co-dependency from member to minister that was just as powerful as the dependency from a son or daughter to a parent. The difference between this child to parent relationship and a member to minister relationship? The parent-child relationship was temporary until adulthood. The member-minister relationship was eternal. In short, the members were never permitted to grow up.

The ministerial dominance of supposed authority extended well into the realms of discipline, as any rebellion, slacking, without full support, or disobedience in any way shape or form could result in not only extreme physical consequences (losing friends, even family, isolation and rejection, as well as separation from Church, either temporarily or permanently) but also spiritual consequences (loss of salvation, condemnation, rejection from the Kingdom, and being thrown into eternal cessation via being burned in the Lake of Fire). Some of these "ministers" fully abused such a belief that they had such supernatural, God-ordained powers to the order of complete oppression of their members, and fully hijacking every decision that members ever made in their lives in many cases. This was not the case with all of them, or all of the members. But it did happen. And it did happen often.

All of this of course created an atmosphere of excessive pride and arrogance within the ministry that they created their own super-culture that was far and above beyond the normal clique. It was a culture that created special seating, and roped-off areas. It was a culture of higher living that in many cases the regular member was not invited to nor ever could know. It was a culture of "We are better than you,and you well better know it." It was a culture of posh, arrogant hubris and superiority. It was a culture of superiority based on rank and position and power. They were them, you were you, and you better follow the rules, or you, who were next to nothing, will be nothing. This was the message sent and widely received by many.

Your expectations, spiritually and physically, within the dominant sphere of the minister's supposed authority, were both excessive and exhaustive. Submission to not only the rules and regulations required by the doctrines and dogmas of the Church's spiritual interpretations, and the rules and regulations of the local Church as interpreted and enforced by the pastor, dominated every aspect of the life of the member, the member's family, and all areas within. Personal decisions were expected to be ran by the pastor in cases of job, marriage, dating, finance, personal issues, sex, school, friendships, Church attendance, Church social lives, and all issues related to "the world" as to what was proper and what was not, including birthdays, holidays, events, gatherings, sports, and overall life, including what to wear, music, child-rearing, child discipline, and a host of other subjects that you were not "smart enough" to know on your own what was or what was not appropriate or expected of you. Your adherence to expectations was constantly analyzed, judged, disciplined, and reported to superiors on a constant basis. You were judged on your masculinity, your femininity, your handshake, your hair length, your dress, your suit, your communicative style, your personality, your macho or manliness, or your ability as a homemaker or wife. The minister's power within the marriage was nearly absolute when it came to marriage counsel - and for some decades, broke up or dissolved marriages based on their own interpretive judgements of what defined adultery. Make no mistake - lives were under, in many cases, the complete dominance and power and authority of the Minister, the one whom was Greatly to Be Feared.

This was the power they had - the power of deception. This deception was enabled by fear, first and foremost. Fear of God's Punishing Power. Fear of the Minister. Fear of the Church. Fear of Disobeying, and lastly but certainly not least - the Fear of Discipline up to and including dis-fellowshipment.

Once you had invested your whole life into the controlling powers of the system - who controlled your life in every way - who could ruin your entire life in one letter of disfellowshipment - or one order to quit your job - or one order to leave your spouse - or to reject a family member in some recent cases - you resigned yourself to their will. You resigned yourself to just obey them, because the consequences would be rougher than if you lose your entire social system. That power over the social system that the Church wielded was, and is, the biggest shackle and chains that grab onto and hold a member under their thumbs. The minister sits on them with that power with the full weight of a 400-lb tablet of stone. If they leave, they lose. If they leave, they fear. They believe it's the end.

Tragically, because of that belief, many have simply given up, fallen into depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and some have committed suicide according to many reports. This is the tragic results of drunk on power charlatans who have abused members emotionally and spiritually for far, far too long.

Those who have been abused sometimes do not think it's really that bad because they're used to it. They believe what's out there is far worse than what's "in there". They believe that what they have experienced for decades, is normal. They believe this because that's what they've been told to believe. They have been lied to, deceived, and had have their minds stolen, and many have lost the capacity to live on their own or even make the most basic decisions without help. All the while, their pastor and corporate church rake in their income, their assets, their estates, and their lives because of the love of sordid gain and the lust of mammon and riches. Their cold, calloused assault on the well being of their members is excused and rationalized away with the belief and statements that "Their donations and acceptance of the doctrines is voluntary" and no one is forced to do anything.

Of course, that's a lie.

When you threaten their eternal salvation because they aren't doing what you tell them to do. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they don't submit to your authority or every order. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they are not giving you the required donation. When you threaten their eternal salvation because they have failed in every expectation handed down from on high. And not just their eternal salvation, but their family's well being? Their jobs? Their social lives? Their marriage? Their everything? And you make the dastardly excuse that it's "voluntary"? There's nothing voluntary about it. You've deceived yourself into thinking you are doing nothing wrong.

And the well-intended, good hearted members who simply just want to do what they believe God has said for them to do end up in  system of bondage and chains - thinking in full belief right is wrong, and wrong is right. The results are tragic.

The entire concept of ministry is to serve. The entire concept of ministry is to help those who are Christ's as a supporter, an encourager, a defender, and a protector - not an abuser, a parent, a fraudster, a charlatan, a scammer, a conner, or a robber. The entire concept of ministry is humility, not pride. The entire concept of ministry is not based on money or assets or estate, but on the spiritual health and well-being of the member. The entire concept of ministry is growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ - not the wallet, not mammon, not money, not corporate. The entire concept of ministry is not rooted in wickedness, or pride - and most of all, the entire concept of ministry is not rooted in abuse of a member. Whether that abuse is emotional, mental, physical, or developmental - abuse is abuse. And the truth is, the COG's have miserably failed as a whole in not only failing to stop abuse within the churches - but enable it, in the name of greed and presumptuous gain.

Those ministers who truly are ministering are out there - the few, and the faithful. The other ministers? The so-called ministers who have trashed everything Jesus Christ stands for - who puke and vomit on God's Word? The ones who got rich by making the poor poorer? The ones who idiotically stand in their pulpits enthralled in the stink and filth of their vomit-stained words, nauseating those who are shackled with their putrid arrogance? They aren't ministers.

They're a disgrace.

The members who are in bondage can regain control. They can regain their lives. They can be set free. They can live again. They can recover. But they can only do it through and by the power of the Living Jesus Christ. It is my prayer that through prayer, they can live again, and be set free.

The Alternative Thinking of the Children of the Cults

The effects of alternative thinking on the lives of young people has been one of the most extensive influences on my life as part of an end-time doomsday cult. One instance that came to mind this morning finally linked to the intensive research into my past to figure out exactly where I came from, fully what I was a part of, as steps of healing in my ongoing journey of de-programming and cult recovery.

There was a season in my young life as a second and third grader that, for whatever reason, I had to convince my classmates that I had supernatural abilities that I did not have. For many of the classmates, it simply did not work. But for one, it did work. It validated my "powers" and my "abilities".

One might consider this perfectly normal for the imagination of a small child in his first years of primary school. Imagine the kid pretending to be Superman, jumping off a small rock and "flying" all the way across the back yard. Or the small child on his tricycle, imagining he's zooming in and out of asteroids on a "star trek" through the neighborhood's church parking lot. Those are the imaginations at work - healthy and part of a brain's natural development.

In my environment, I was taught "not" to engage in "pretend" - or unrealistic imaginations on paper, like coloring the sky purple or the grass red. "pretending" was wrong - as wrong as reading fiction, or listening to different varieties of music. Adherance to realism was paramount. Pretending was to engage in a lie. And lying, after all, was a sin. My family took Armstrongism literally, and seriously.

Enter in the belief system that I had as a child, directly from all of my information sources. I was told I was in training to be God. I was told I would get my own planet. I was told this would happen in just a few years (I didn't quite grasp the fact that my parents were the ones to be converted into a spirtual superpower, and I had to remain on Earth because I was not baptized - this happened a little bit later.) Of course, I was also fully indoctrinated with the whole mother-load of Armstrongism dogma, including the Bible Story imagery from Basil Wolverton. Those who were a part of the cult, or take the time to study into it, can get a good grasp of what that contained.

The difference between the young child pretending on the street - and what my episode in elementary school was - is a matter of belief.

The young child playing superman understood the difference between "pretending" to be Superman, and the thought of actually becoming Superman. It was play, and pretend-time. Once the young child was done "pretending", the mind switched to the next event - peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a glass of milk before running out the door for a full afternoon of more playtime (in the summertime, of course).

The young me believed what he was told. He was going to be God. He was going to have powers and his own planet. He was excited that in a few years, he was going to be one of the pioneers of the Wonderful World Tomorrow. And in the next year or two, our going home from the Feast would be the last physical Feast we would ever experience. For me, this was not pretend. This was real life. It was going to happen. Herbert W. Armstrong said so. And what he said was reality.

I thought of myself as superior to the other children - a higher standard. I thought of myself as different and set apart. I had to set the example. I had to be as perfect as I could possibly be, because I did not want to make my parents, or God, mad at me.

I had spent decades wondering exactly why I acted in the way I did back in the second and the third grade. I attributed everything to an overactive imagination - a normal part of growing up. However, when you have an intentionally stifled imagination and a grounding from pretending - and then actual imagination turned into an alternative "reality" - then you've got a very messed up and abnormal psyche and way of developing as a child. Add on to that weekly meetings of fiction turned into an alternative reality - and again - you're just feeding the brain delusions.

This is one reason how the Church is responsible for the psychological harm and abuse of the children of the Church - from Herbert Armstrong to the ministry to the regular people to their children - weaving a wave of deception from the top down with pure goals of self-centered greed. The methods that Armstrongism used to infiltrate it's members with alternative facts - blatant misuse of mind conditioning and cult psychology to achieve an agenda - were criminal.

I know that those in Armstrongism will turn right around and say that that's what "the World" always does, with teaching about Santa and the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. These things that we were taught were not fairy tale stories that you grew out of. These thngs that we were taught were not metaphors such as puppets and Sesame Street that teach a lesson and are understood as people grew older and could understand the concepts as an adult. These were beliefs that stuck with you and were reinforced week after week, and year after year. No child grows up to believe Santa is real, or that the Easter Bunny will hop around when you are 30. Those in Armstrongism built a whole religion on one man's fairy tale of becoming Gods and rulers in a universal real estate development program and ruling the whole agri-centric world based on a wholly racist and wholly physical interpretation of the plan of God - where people to this day still believe it, and mess up their children's lives to this day in the process.

Not only do I talk about this for my personal healing - but to show others how whacked and how deep of a con-job the whole mess was, and what it did to the psyche, the imagination, the centers of logic and reasoning, and the faith and belief of God himself. It is incumbent on those who were and have been a part of the entire scam to realize the depth of the deepness of the cancer of Armstrongism, that metastasized itself to delusional psychosis in the worldviews of so many.

"Why Did Miracles happen in Such a Worldly Environment? Did That Spiritually Endorse that Church?"

I often come across many stories about miracles that happened back in the Church of God.

I know of a few personal recollections when I was in the Worldwide Church of God of people who do remember incidents that happened with people in the church. And I believe them.

There was the person who, she reports, "had an angel that looked like her dead ex-husband who opened the Apartment outer gate for her" when she could not get in.

There was the lady who was able to get to the Feast in a car that was missing a vital component that should have rendered the car un-driveable.

I knew these people enough to know they would not make up such stories. Most of the people in the Church in the laity were decent, hard-working, common folks - who were doing what they thought in their heart was the right thing to do.

When I hear of miracles for people that happened in the Church, I absolutely believe it. Because I believe that God looks at a person's heart, and mind - and not the physical organization that they are a part of.

The upper executive management of the Armstrong Business would use such miracles as evidence that their organization had the backing of God. Armstrong would do the same kind of analysis - putting organization ahead of individual. I believe God has a different approach.

In every instance of Jesus' interaction with people when He walked the Earth, he dealt with them individually. The thief on the Cross. The woman caught in an adulterous relationship. Mary Magdalene. He is involved in a personal relationship - not as a corporate chief executive.

When I needed clothes when I was a child - they came. When I prayed to be able to go to SEP - that prayer was answered. I ended up going to SEP three times - once as a camper, twice as a worker. It wasn't that God was behind the organization. God is behind us individually, and personally. God looks at our hearts - not at our involvement with a business that was masquerading as a church.

Every one of us has the freedom of choice in what we do. Every one of us has our belief in what we think is right to the best of our abilities. Yet one still may ask "Why"? "Why would God HELP me go to a 'feast' that was based on lies and the faulty imagination of a salesman? Wouldn't he rather want me to stay home?'

I think the answer has everything to do with what is best for us personally. Maybe a person needed to have a lift in life emotionally. Life living in the Church was hard. You paid your taxes, then the church took twenty to thirty percent of your income. You had trouble raising your family. Perhaps you had a "non-converted" spouse. Financial troubles were rampant, because your income just wasn't there. You couldn't have "worldly" friends deeply, and you had to give up the "fun" activities on Saturdays. Not to mention health issues. What I am saying is: Individually speaking - maybe the benefits of being there were better for the soul then if one wasn't there. Maybe there was a need for a 'boost' of positive faith - in Jesus, not the corporation. We can't always understand the reasons why things happen. But if there's one thing I have learned, is that Jesus does everything based on his love for His Children and what is best for them in the long-term (eternally), then what they are involved with in the short term (a cult).

Jesus said that He will never leave us, nor forsake us. He's been with His people throughout all their life experiences. Though many of us were born into the Church, others made the decision to join the Church, regardless of the fact of what the Church really was - it does not negate the fact that Jesus said He will never leave us, nor forsake us. That uncompromising fact - the love of Jesus that knows no boundaries - is all the explanation a person needs as to the miracles that happen - not only in the lives of members of the Worldwide Church of God - but the miracles that have happened with all peoples of all beliefs and of all classes and abilities.

God is a God who is concerned with every one of His children, and He wants them all to reach the highest goal that they can possibly reach. He'll do everything possible in His will and in his immeasurable love - including miracles - no matter where they are in life. That's the kind of God we serve. He's with us in the storms, as well as in the sunshine - personally, for whatever is personally for our ultimate good in the grand scheme of what we do not know or understand - yet.

Cult Recovery: I have the Right to be (as) Healthy (as Possible)

This is part four of a series on Basic Rights. 

This may not seem like it should be a Basic Right. It should be just a status-quo statement. It should not even have to be posted. In a world as blessed and prosperous as the one we live in - this honestly should not even be a question. With as many hospitals, access to prescriptions, medical professionals, and specialists, you would think that such a statement is simply a given. But it is not.

And it certainly was not in the environment that I came from. 

The right to be healthy is a new concept for me. Yes, it really is. Because in the environment that I grew up in, the cult of Armstrongism, those rights were denied.

Everyone in my collective past has a different experience. Some were very liberal and simply didn't care what the cult leaders thought (risking expulsion). Others, like my family, were very fundamentalist - and followed Armstrongism to the core of it's foundation - where every word was as if it came from God, and every practice was followed to the letter. Of which was the practice of medical treatment.

Doctors were shamed. Prescriptions were witchcraft. Going to hospitals was a lack of faith. Therefore, hospital visits in my childhood were non-existent. I should have gone when I had a serious viral infection as a toddler. I should have gone when I had every childhood illness you could think of. I should have gone to be vaccinated. I should have gone when I needed dental care. Should of, would've, could've. These things did not happen because of the practices of the Church.

I should have gone when I developed a persistent and troublesome cough at a very young age that got worse, and worse over time. As it turns out, because of a very pre-mature birth, I had immature lungs and a weak heart. Down the road, partly because of my failure to resolve these issues, this led to a nearly-fatal heart condition - which is now a part of chronic care in my life. There are other serious issues as well which I will not get into. Suffice it to say, the lack of care of these ailments in my life - that nearly cost me my life - were a direct result of the violation of my right to be as healthy as I can possibly be.

This is not to bemoan my individual past. This is a wake-up call to those who, for some reason, feel that God's healing for whatever reason does not happen in a hospital, or at a doctor's office, or with medical treatment, or with prescriptions. Everyone has the right - in fact, the duty, and the obligation - to medical care and treatment when and where it's available - regardless of cost or expense. Health Care should not be based on the status of a person, but solely on the premise of the notion and value that each and every life is important. Regardless of who you are, where you are, what you are, or any other factor - you have the right to live and to be healthy. No religion, no power, and no policy should ever take that away from you. 

Yet that is exactly what happened with thousands who came from my cult experience. Many, sadly, died. Many suffered excruciating pain and deaths needlessly. Many did not take prescriptions. Many with health conditions felt the obligation to fast on the Day of Atonement without care or concern for their ailments - because of fear of God's wrath and ministerial punishment. Many were talked down to, or talked out of, going to get medical help. Those who did were shamed into thinking they did not have enough faith. The practice was to simply call a minister, get prayed over, have a cloth put on their forehead anointed with oil - and then believe you are healed, and wait. And because of this, they stayed outside of the very place that could have been the healing they were looking for.

I now have doctors. I have medicines. I have people who know what they are doing and what path is best for me. It is a different world then what I used to have as my world. It's a difficult world. But I am alive - and if I had listened to the Church I grew up in, I would NOT be today. And this is everyone's right - to be able to prolong their lives for the benefit of their wives, their husbands, their kids, their pets - and themselves.

Yes. I have the right to care for my body as best I can. And so do you. And to anyone who has a religious mentor telling you otherwise?

Shut the door in their face, and get yourself some medical care. You will feel so much better about it - mentally and physically. And your FAMILY will thank you for it!

These rights have been adapted from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA, New Harbringer Publications, 1995)

How Religion Became a Business

There really is not anything that infuriates me more than when I turn on the television and I see a televangelist using every sales tactic in the world to convince his followers that God's Blessings are in direct proportion to the amount of money that you give to their church.

There are many fancy names they have for this practice. "Sowing seeds", that's a big one. "Seeds for Harvest" - I've heard that a time or two. Often times, they insert a highly snactimonious prayer - saying IF you sow this seed, God will bless you back five-fold, ten-fold, hundred-fold - or even thousand-fold. Then, they will tell the accounts of everyone who has been blessed back. Of course, there's a disclaimer - there is no promise that this is what will happen to you. Because, of course, it depends on your faith.

Many have bought into this - and have been burnt big time. Others have bought into it and may have seemed to have seen a return (confirmation bias). But the truth is, the Jesus of the scriptures never preached a prosperity message that linked his blessings to money - where you are essentially buying God's protection and buying God's favor. God's blessing is a free gift, without merit, and fully through the gift of God's Spirit through faith in Jesus Christ. You cannot purchase your way to riches, just like you cannot purchase salvation. What God has always looked at is your heart - and how the fruits of the Spirit positively impact the lives of others in and around you, to the glory of God. That is, Christ in You - the hope of Glory.

So where DID this practice originate?

Sadly, one of the pioneer televangelists to conceive and successfully use this practice was the man that founded the cult that I was born and raised in - Herbert Armstrong, and his Worldwide Church of God.

Herbert Armstrong was one of the first to utilize mass media to reach massive amounts of people to send income to a centralized source. Before Herbert actually did so, however, he studied intensively, through books, papers - and personally hanging out with rich and affluent people  the "secrets" and the skills of money. He took fervent note of every action he needed to do to become successful in the world. He listened to advice that he later would say he carried with him for his whole life. In conjunction with this, he learned how to sell through advertising. He learned every technique, every tool, every trick of the trade to get people to buy his products. He attended advertising merchant meetings - and became extremely good at his trade. That is, until the depression - when there was no product to sell.

Until he found a product to sell.

Challenged by his wife, Loma, to prove her wrong about a controversial belief of Christianity, the day of Worship (Loma became a Sabbatarian), Herbert began to embark on a six-month study to "prove her wrong". But here is where I need to stop and explain something to place this into proper context.

Herbert would claim various times that people would meet him years later and say he didn't act like a pastor. He acted like a businessman - a Chicago Businessman. He echoed this later as well, that he always approached his ministry in the ways of business. This is the key, I believe to seeing his approach to everything that he did. He viewed himself as a businessman throughout. Therefore, it stands to reason that his six-month study of all things "Christianity" was viewed with the filter and the vision, not of Christianity, but of business.  He himself admitted he "threw everything out" that he ever learned about Christianity, and, with a totally clean slate - a different perspective - read scripture. And what a trove he found - if he looks at it all with the eyes of a businessman.

Tithing. There we go - God said it - that can be proved. There's an income source. Oh wait! There's a second tithe for what? Festivals? And offerings! They can give income at the Festival - as offerings! Oh, look - a THIRD Tithe to support widows and orphans too! Well, there's the income!

Oh yes, all business has to be totally unique. Hey, look - the Saturday Sabbath! No one else does that! That would certainly be unique! We've got to differentiate! Wait - look at that command - no graven images. All these other churches have graven images - they've got to be wrong! This will do it! Look at what they are doing - Christmas, Easter - see where I'm going with this?

When you look at the Bible out of context. When you look at the scriptures like a book, read front to back, as a legal code or business structure - an organizational manual - you can certainly see how one who is intent on finding a product to sell could certainly find a treasure trove there. And this is what Herbert did.

And the conditions were absolutely perfect for his success. The world was fearful. It had come out of one war and was entering another one. Weapons had become large, and fearsome. Worldwide annihilation was now possible. For the first time, man was looking at his own mortality. It appeared that one could now literally look down the barrel of time and assume that the "end of the ages" was now looming on the horizon. Technology was mushrooming in ways that never happened before. All the materials were there. And the materials that would have squelched his efforts were NOT there - i.e., information, fact-checking, the internet, resources, and historical documentation. He had the perfect scenario for explosive growth - if he played his cards right.

And played his cards right he did. He was able to utilize the techniques of many other organizations - the Seventh Day Adventists, the Jehovah's Witnesses, even the Mormons, into his business. He morphed in a theory of British Israelism to appeal to his target audience - America and Britain - for high morale and superiority. He recruited people who were masters at persuasion - people like Herman "The Brain" Hoeh, who could turn any text into support for his doctrinal positions. People like Rod Meredith - a master orator. People like Raymond McNair - smooth talkers like Gerald Waterhouse. Even his own brother - a four-part harmony piano player.

And then, there was radio. Now, he had clients. An audience. Turns out, he had everything going for him there, too. He had a deep, resonant, preacher's voice that he learned how to use in sales effectively. And he had a product. That product was a twist on the Gospel - a message that he alone had given directly to him. A message that he, under God and Christ, would - with all those who bought into his doctrine - would literally rule and reign with Christ as kings - transforming this Earth into a Utopia - the true Government of God - ruling with a rod of iron, swiftly and severely punishing anyone who dared to be different - literally "forcing" their subjects into happiness.

This appealed to people.

To "prove" he was right, he used a carrot and stick approach. In three to five years, you'll see it all come to fruition. Problem is, it never did. So people kept giving, waiting, giving, waiting, giving, waiting. The church would grow larger, and greater. More radio stations. Then TV. More people. And larger, and greater.

Herbert would keep the income flowing by his sales skills. More crisis! Emergency! Give! Don't Slack! Crisis! Over, and over, and over again, letter after letter - it's happening now. Look! It's happening! It really is! Right now! See? Just wait. Oh wait. It's not happening. You're not trying enough! Give more! Have more faith! If it's not happening, you're the only one to blame!.....

And all the while that Herbert was blasting out how horrible the finances were - those at the top were doing mighty well. Top executives were driving Jaguars. Wearing expensive coats. Shopping at expensive places. And most of all - expanding their empire with a massive building project that would be completed in 1972 - through a weave of lies and campaigns of fear designed specifically to push enough money through to finance the grand idol of the scheme - the Ambassador Auditorium - composed of the most costly gems and products of the world, to schmooze the richest and most powerful of Hollywood cementing Herbert Armstrong as a status symbol of importance and success.

I know this is true, for one thing, because of the pages of history. They speak for themselves. Failed prophecy, greed, vanity, ego, the accounts of those who suffered, the fruits of the organization, and where it is (or actually, isn't) right now, to name a few. 

And others caught on to the formula - with a more "mainstream" approach. And so, you see the televangelists of today using, in one form or another, generally the same principles that Herbert helped to pave the way for them to use.

The intention of Christianity was never to become a business. The intention of Christianity is service and love - servant leadership, and servant lifestyle. It's a way of life not of covetousness, or materialism, or gold, and silver. It's a way of life that shows Christ in you through His Spirit - the fruits of which are love, and joy, and long-suffering, and patience, and kindness, and mercy, and self-control - leading others to see a life worth living not in materialism, where rot and decay will always fail, but in virtue - treasures stored in heaven.

I won't watch those televangelists anymore. I've rejected the concepts of Armstrong. I'm learning the methods to de-program myself from his influence. And it's helpful to know the truth of the matter - of when religion became a business. Because, when I see the business of televangelist religion's tall, massive skyscrapers looming ahead on the horizon, filled with the expensive suits and the smooth tongues - and all the guilt and mammon you can handle -  I can guarantee you there's corruption and worldliness to it's core. I'd rather turn right on the little dirt road, find the small house and the shack, and meet the ones who are genuine, and real.

Only there can you hear the wind, the birds, the breeze - and it's quiet enough to hear the small and gentle whisper of the Spirit of God.

Selected Photos from "The Envoy" - Ambassador College

Cult Recovery Lesson: I Have the Right to Make Mistakes and Not Have to Be Perfect

This is the third installment of a series on "Basic Rights" by the Blog Owner. 


Overcome! Don't Slack! Or It's the Lake of Fire for YOU!

From the time I was a toddler, just able to hear - these are the words I heard (perhaps, without understanding - but heard, nonetheless). When I was old enough to understand by hearing and by reading - the expectations, subconscious or blatant - were clear. The life I was to lead was very special, as a child of my parents called out of the world. A life of continual overcoming.








I am not saying it's wrong to overcome. "Overcoming" means to clear hurdles and change from ways that are bad for you - like addictions, trauma, depression, pride and greed, for example. It's what you do when you realize you are in a pattern, for whatever reason, that is causing you, or somebody else, negative impacts - that may be in your relationship as a husband or a wife, as a son or daughter, or a father or a mother. Overcoming can be a good thing in these examples.

Overcoming can also be a truly bad thing - if it's abused.

When you are forced to change your individuality - and told to overcome the basic person of who you are - then it's not overcoming. It's control. When you are forced to conform to a mold that is not who you are - then that's not overcoming. It's dictatorial command. When you are told to overcome every aspect of your life that has no relevance to anything spiritual or harmful - than that's not overcoming. That's unauthorized power. And all of it's a form of abuse.

Our expectations in the cult (in my experience - each person has a different story) were to overcome everything that made us individual and unique. Our hairstyles, dress, mannerisms, speech, and what we ate were strictly regulated - things we had to overcome. We had to overcome "worldly" friendships, the fear of tithing over a quarter of our income, and our basic common sense when a ministerial order simply was the stupidest thing you ever heard in your life - but because "it came from a minister of God", obedience was mandatory, and God would "take care of it" in His own time.

Our idea of overcoming was becoming perfect as God is perfect by being as close to as perfect as possible in obedience to the Law, which we interpreted as the expression of holy love - Law keeping. Therefore, when we fell short on our expectations, we fell short on our overcoming - and we risked "not qualifying", or "not making it". We had to expend tremendous energies to simply try our best, not slack, to try to become "good enough" to hopefully qualify to "make it", and somehow have worked hard enough that God would see our efforts and His grace would then grade on the curve and we'd be accepted in His sight.

This caused - for me at least - an intense fear of extreme failure, and a perfectionist nature that made me have an extreme phobia of wrong-doing, of any sort, no matter how minor or trivial. You may see this as extreme. And it is. That does not change it's reality. It is only through years of de-programming and understanding reality that I am beginning to realize, slowly, a realization that is like a ray of light. I'm not there yet in grasping this. But it's this realization that:

I Have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect. 

I do not have to accept condemnation on my shortcomings and my downfalls, or take them internally as I have on a lifelong basis. I do not have to accept the harsh criticisms of those who pridefully and arrogantly assert themselves as unqualified experts. More than this - I have had to learn, and am learning, that making mistakes is a part of life, and it is not going to disqualify me from any future reward - so long as I don't engage in harmful activities that go against the golden rule - "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

When you grow up in an environment where you believe that you will be cut off from God for accidentally doing something illegal on the Sabbath one minute before sunset, or forgetting your offering on a Holy Day, or accidentally having a sip of water on the Day of Atonement - or leaving a crumb of bread in the sofa during the Days of Unleavened Bread. When you grow up being judged on your appearance, on your clothes - or you are condemned because you slipped and said "Darn" or "Fart" instead of stinker - (yes, I know - but it's what it was) - and your expectations were to be nothing short of the best role model of the Kingdom that you can be in life and in the Church - you don't believe you have the "right" to make mistakes or the "right" to not be perfect.

And a person never discovers the reality of who they are, individually, or who they can become or what their talents or abilities really are. They simply become a drone in a sea of drones, acting and behaving and seeing and hearing only in ways that make them a conformer, not an individual. It is better to be and live who you are in truth and reality then pretend you're someone you are not in a lie.

Yes, Jesus told us to overcome. But that did not counteract the right we have to learn, to grow, to make mistakes, and to accept our imperfections. The environment of the cult that I grew up in did not believe that. And the harm it is causing people stifled under their oppressive regimes cannot be underestimated.

Learning who I am as a person takes time and patience. I'm not there. But discovering my individuality and freeing myself from the mind control of the Cult Drones - that's freeing. It's one of the lessons I'm trying to grasp in my ongoing journey of recovery.


Basic rights adapted from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA, New Barbringer Publications, 1995) 

Cult Recovery Lesson: I have the Right to be Treated with Dignity and Respect

 This is the second installment of a series on "Basic Rights" by the Blog Owner.

Dignity and Respect. 

These two words seem like something that should be a "basic right", correct?

When you go to a place of worship for spiritual nourishment, you would think it is second nature to be treated with Dignity - and with respect - from those who purport to be your spiritual leaders, wouldn't you? Unfortunately - at least, from my experience, and from the reports of many others who grew up in my environment - this was not the case.

Dignity is defined as "the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect."

Respect is defined as "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."

As a member of the Cult that I grew up in, again, the Worldwide Church of God - I felt neither dignified, or respected.

As I mentioned in my previous post - we did have a duty of conforming. We also had a duty to pray for our leader, and to go to church, and to give our tithes and offerings. Any notion that a minister was bound to treat us with dignity and respect was entirely contingent on the condition that we adhere to the rules of the Church and are obedient to the rule of their authority over us. In short, dignity and respect were absolutely conditional on our obedience to every decision made by the minister in subjection to "the Government of God."

In order to conform us to "the Government" - our dignity was consistently degraded. Any "worth" of honor or respect was only contingent on how well we obeyed their commands.

There were articles written, and sent to the membership - that literally blasted us with every single thing we were doing wrong- regardless of how petty. From the way we cut our hair, to the way we washed our hair. From the clothes we bought, to the way we shook hands with another. From the words we used, to the way we sat. Everything we did was under constant and thorough critique. "Living up to the expectations" was a way of life - and part of our quest and journey to "overcoming" while "Recapturing True Values".

In summary - the way we were was not good enough. We were not entitled to dignity, nor were we entitled to respect the way we were. In the words of one of the leaders - unless we acknowledge how putrid we were (and he used about twelve other demeaning adjectives along with putrid), and abhorred ourselves - we were not fit to become members of the Church. This man set an example to those who trained below him to squelch any attempt of dignity and respect until they conform to the standards expected of them.

In a personal experience - I once asked a minister many years later why I was subject to the treatment that he gave me, personally - as a youth. The answer he gave me was that I was not meeting the standards that were expected of the youth by the denominational leaders of the Church - he was basically following orders. This answer told me everything I needed to know. That in the cult, dignity and respect are not human rights - but only earned by completing the objectives of mind control.

The notion that we have the RIGHT to be treated with dignity, and with respect, was a foreign concept at it's introduction. But it's true.

I have had to learn that I am a person, an individual, unique and different. I do not have to conform to any particular standards except for those I have made the personal decision to hold dear to - it is my decision, and between me, and my God. I have the right to be treated with dignity and with respect - and those who I encounter also have the exact same rights - to be treated with both dignity, and respect.

This is regardless of whether one is male, or female, or black, or white, or Christian, or atheist, or whatever they believe or however they act. Their choices in life do not give me the right to treat a person cruelly, or inhumanely, or as if they are worthless, or as if they are le then the person that they are. Their choices in life are between them and their higher power - and the responsibility of how I treat them shifts to me if I devoid them of dignity and respect.

It is not my job as a Christian to impose on them my standards, or my beliefs, or my opinions, and MOST of all - my judgment. I have learned the only job I have is to be the reflection of the standards that I claim to represent. The standards of dignity, and the standards of respect - two basic rights I was never believing that I had - but now know that I do.



Basic rights are adapted from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA: New Harbringer Publications, 1995)

Cult Recovery Lesson: We Have the Right to have our own Thoughts and Opinions.

This is the beginning of a series on "Basic Rights" - from a cult survivor. 

Healthy relationships are as much an important part of life between a church and it's congregant as a husband to a wife, a friend to a friend, a worker to a worker, and pretty much any social activity you can think of.

In the cult environment I was a part of for decades, the right to healthy relationships was thrown to the curb for the cult's "right" to your income, your mind, and your heart. There was no common sense to "healthy" relationships. The only relationships allowed were arranged relationships - only allowed within the confines of the cult, under the supervision of the ministry, and furthered only on the approval of the local leader. Any prospect of a "normal" relationship was immediately quenched - no person of "the world" could ever be "evenly yoked" with us culties.

According to "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbood" by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA: New Harbringer Publications, 1995), people have 26 basic rights that are a human right. They aren't questionable - they're what makes living abundantly possible. The "right" that I choose to focus on for this post is:

• The right to have my own thoughts and opinions. 

The cult that I was a part of, the Worldwide Church of God, did not agree with this. It's founder, Herbert W. Armstrong, did not agree with this either. He would often preach that everyone must be "thinking the same thing", and all of "one mind, and one body". Any attempt to voice any different thought or opinion would be immediately shut down by a vast network of interior member-spies who would report any attempts at personal opinion or "division" to Headquarters - who would in turn contact the local leader and subsequently "put them out" of the Church - ex-communication.

We were taught not to have our own thoughts, or our own opinions. Our standards, our behaviors, our actions were carefully and thoroughly regulated as if we were one vast collective being programmed by one leading person. This went so far as to inform us of not only what to eat - but how to eat it, how to prepare it, how to bake it, and so on and so forth. There was even an article that spent two paragraphs on if it was okay to drink milk or not.

It is not an exaggeration to state that it went far beyond just what we ate and did not eat. We lost our "rights" on our thoughts and opinions about every doctrine ever taught from the pulpit. According to the leadership of the Church, as outlined in several articles to the members of the church, those outside of the church were encouraged to listen to the mantra "Don't believe me, believe your Bible." However, once they were "in" the Church, and baptized as a member, that phrase was not intended for them. They were to believe every word of the minister as anointed and directed as if it was from Jesus Christ himself. Our right to self-evaluation, interpretaton, and opinion was dunked the moment we were accepted into the Church as a tithe-paying, and praying, and attending member.

The concept that we as humanity have "the right to our own thoughts and opinions" to me was a strange concept - an unusual concept. This flew in the face of every aspect of training and teaching that I ever listened to. My entire job as a member of the Church was to conform - to be accepted by meeting a certain and particular set of standards. My entire task was to listen - to absorb - to "overcome". Our definition of overcoming? Becoming more and more like the expectation of what we were intended to be. And in our training - believe it or not - that expectation was - I kid you not - to be God. And our example of who God was like was the leader of our cult - Herbert W. armstrong.

To have our own thoughts. This was a tough one - because the minute that you allowed your "own" thought to creep in, we were taught that this was not "our" thought, but a "Demonic" thought. Let me give you an example.

We believed in the cult that observing holidays like Easter and Christmas were pagan, evil, and of the dark side. If a thought was to creep in like "I really wish I could be with the family on Christmas this year", we would immediately think of this thought as an implanted thought from an evil spirit. Therefore - we would immediately squelch and silence our own thoughts because of our belief that it was an evil thought.

Another example: We were commanded to give up to 30% of our income to, or for, the uses and purposes of the Church. If we were to have a thought like "I really can't afford food this month, because we're paying the tithes", it would be immediately classified as a "bad thought" from the dark side, because it was a thought that was "intended to cause disobedience to God." The side effect of this?

Every thought of our own was considered demonic that disagreed with the thoughts that conformed with the teaching of the Church.

This mind-conditioning was a never-ending battle.

Whenever we began to think "Our Own Thoughts" - we would think that they were NOT "our" thoughts, but the thoughts from a bad entity. I do not believe it is an exaggeration to say that because of this mind-conditioning, many of us simply chose to "stop" thinking - and just let the minister "handle" the decision to avoid the constant interruptions from that darn evil spirit that dared have us think on our own.

It took a long time to realize a simple fact:

We have brains that are to be used. We have minds. We have the ability, and the right, to think - to make decisions - and the responsibility to do so for the sake of those we are always around and interact with. We do have the right to have our own thoughts and our own opinions. It is the only way to begin to grow, and mature, and become responsible for ourselves and our families.

If there's food that needs to be in the house to feed the family, then we have the right to make that decision - that food comes first to feed the family.

If there are clothes that need to be bought to clothe the family, then we have the right to make that decision - that clothes need to be purchased to clothe the family.

If there are bills that need to be paid - then we have the right to pay the bills and do the responsible thing - no matter what we are being told by those who wish to commandeer our income. 

The cult I grew up in, with wild abandon, removed responsibility and attempted to mold us into their image as our spiritual parents - stunting our emotional growth, and making us perpetual children, incapable of making our own decisions - at least for those of us who were all in on the cult mentality.

Let the shackles fall and the chains be broken!