Cult Recovery Lesson: I have the Right to be Treated with Dignity and Respect

 This is the second installment of a series on "Basic Rights" by the Blog Owner.

Dignity and Respect. 

These two words seem like something that should be a "basic right", correct?

When you go to a place of worship for spiritual nourishment, you would think it is second nature to be treated with Dignity - and with respect - from those who purport to be your spiritual leaders, wouldn't you? Unfortunately - at least, from my experience, and from the reports of many others who grew up in my environment - this was not the case.

Dignity is defined as "the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect."

Respect is defined as "a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements."

As a member of the Cult that I grew up in, again, the Worldwide Church of God - I felt neither dignified, or respected.

As I mentioned in my previous post - we did have a duty of conforming. We also had a duty to pray for our leader, and to go to church, and to give our tithes and offerings. Any notion that a minister was bound to treat us with dignity and respect was entirely contingent on the condition that we adhere to the rules of the Church and are obedient to the rule of their authority over us. In short, dignity and respect were absolutely conditional on our obedience to every decision made by the minister in subjection to "the Government of God."

In order to conform us to "the Government" - our dignity was consistently degraded. Any "worth" of honor or respect was only contingent on how well we obeyed their commands.

There were articles written, and sent to the membership - that literally blasted us with every single thing we were doing wrong- regardless of how petty. From the way we cut our hair, to the way we washed our hair. From the clothes we bought, to the way we shook hands with another. From the words we used, to the way we sat. Everything we did was under constant and thorough critique. "Living up to the expectations" was a way of life - and part of our quest and journey to "overcoming" while "Recapturing True Values".

In summary - the way we were was not good enough. We were not entitled to dignity, nor were we entitled to respect the way we were. In the words of one of the leaders - unless we acknowledge how putrid we were (and he used about twelve other demeaning adjectives along with putrid), and abhorred ourselves - we were not fit to become members of the Church. This man set an example to those who trained below him to squelch any attempt of dignity and respect until they conform to the standards expected of them.

In a personal experience - I once asked a minister many years later why I was subject to the treatment that he gave me, personally - as a youth. The answer he gave me was that I was not meeting the standards that were expected of the youth by the denominational leaders of the Church - he was basically following orders. This answer told me everything I needed to know. That in the cult, dignity and respect are not human rights - but only earned by completing the objectives of mind control.

The notion that we have the RIGHT to be treated with dignity, and with respect, was a foreign concept at it's introduction. But it's true.

I have had to learn that I am a person, an individual, unique and different. I do not have to conform to any particular standards except for those I have made the personal decision to hold dear to - it is my decision, and between me, and my God. I have the right to be treated with dignity and with respect - and those who I encounter also have the exact same rights - to be treated with both dignity, and respect.

This is regardless of whether one is male, or female, or black, or white, or Christian, or atheist, or whatever they believe or however they act. Their choices in life do not give me the right to treat a person cruelly, or inhumanely, or as if they are worthless, or as if they are le then the person that they are. Their choices in life are between them and their higher power - and the responsibility of how I treat them shifts to me if I devoid them of dignity and respect.

It is not my job as a Christian to impose on them my standards, or my beliefs, or my opinions, and MOST of all - my judgment. I have learned the only job I have is to be the reflection of the standards that I claim to represent. The standards of dignity, and the standards of respect - two basic rights I was never believing that I had - but now know that I do.



Basic rights are adapted from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA: New Harbringer Publications, 1995)