The Voice

A Few of my very earliest memories was that of what transpired at the Feast of Tabernacles - when I, as a toddler, had my very own luxurious space during the Feast of Tabernacles - on a cold, cement floor surrounded by legs, shoes, and the bottom elements of grey folding metal chairs. Yet these physical elements were not the substance of my memories. The substance of the memories was a booming, authoritative, and strongly echoing voice that filled not only the Tabernacle - or metal warehouse - that I, along with 14,000 others, were inhabiting for hours per day for eight total days in that Fall. It was that voice that I remember most clearly.

It was that voice - the live, and deep bass voice - of Herbert W. Armstrong - that penetrated my head with the force of a clap of thunder and the peal of an angry drill sergeant. Sleeping was a necessity for a person of my age at that time - two, three, or even four years of age. Sleep, however, in the audio presence of a certain Herb was not as the effect of Chamomile. No, sleep was not to be had when you were a baby in the Worldwide Church of God when Herbert Armstrong was speaking. For the very moment that you began to be lulled by a more distant rumble - a strike of lightning would punctuate the Arena - activating the emergency wails of miniature alarms no greater than 20 pounds in weight and 2 feet in height. Also activated were the transporter units of mothers who would take these tiny alarms and rush them to the silencing room, as distractions were frowned upon - and that's putting it mildly.

Herbert Armstrong to the youngest of the Armstrong Era alive to remember it was not the Apostle. He was not the gentle grandfather. He wasn't even "nice" in the memories of us. Herbert was a force. A power - not benevolent in appearance, but violent and fierce. A malevolent being that could change from light to dark in the flash of a heartbeat.

I remember as a child looking up at Herbert on the Big Screen at those Feast of Tabernacles. Literally - I had to look up and between heads and shoulders when I was standing up on a seat and not trying to sleep on blankets, cradled with an Etch-A-Sketch and a "Little Professor". I remember his animatd motions. His lean in the chair. And the one time I did what I wasn't supposed to do - I laughed at him when he knocked a lamp over with his dramatic and far flung hand gestures. I didn't look up to him - now in a more emotional sense - as a religious figure. I looked up to Herbert Armstrong as someone to be very, very afraid of.

That element of fear - a pervasive, far-reaching element - was an emotion that Herbert Armstrong crafted to a science for not only those of us who were babies within the Church, but for all who were a part of the brief, yet powerful, movement - for those of us who were seduced into it. That element of fear was in the single man and woman being told how their marriage would be arranged. That element was in the baptized member afraid to upset the minister for fear he or she would be disfellowshipped for trivial mutiny. That element was in the father and husband who was just told to quit his job because it violated either Church rules or the minister's order. That element was in the wife who was told to submit to the husband, the minister, and every command of the Church. That element of fear was something that we simply called "Submission to Government". It was a part of our culture, ingrained into us from day one of Herbert's regime pounded into our psychological crevices, cemented by threats of eternal damnation should we rebel, and use common sense or critical thinking. That element of fear was called "Unity". That element of fear was called "order". Those not submissive to such unity and order were the "World" - and the "World" was what you did not want to be a part of, because then you were, you were told, subject to great loss - and great affliction from physical and spiritual forces. The element of fear is what held you in. It encapsulated, suffocated, and paralyzed you - yet was calming and familiar enough to lull you into a sense of security. Reality became unknown, traded for the narrow and false visions of lies and deceit from one man who convinced you he was sent by God to take you where no man had gone in 1900 years - to truth. Except every aspect of Herbert's ministry was founded on lie, after lie, after lie.

It has been a long time since those days of sitting on the cold, gray, unfeeling cement floors of those warehouse buildings used as Tabernacles. A few of those buildings still exist, such as at Wisconsin Dells, Lake of the Ozarks, and Big Sandy. Time, however has changed those buildings, and time has changed those who used to fill it's cavernous coldness (in some cases, literal coldness!). The Ozarks building only houses boats now. The Wisconsin Dells building belongs to another group altogether, as does the Big Sandy Tabernacle. And for most of us who grew up under the shadow of an abusive, dominating, greed-filled bully - there is no longer any reason to fear him or Armstrongism in general. For the movement that created such fear has fizzled out in a most spectacular dud you could ever imagine.

That voice? That resonant, powerful voice? Silent. Yet the voice that continues to persist and penetrate - that Voice - the voice that says, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life". That Voice that says "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." That Voice that says  "I am the Resurrection and the Life." That Voice that is gentle as a whisper and timeless as the Alpha and Omega. That Voice that searches our hearts and minds. That voice of Truth - yes, that Voice remains, and has remained from the Time of His Birth, to now, and to forevermore. He was never silenced. He was always there. That's the Voice. That's the One. That's the Truth. He's the Wonderful Counselor, the Prince of Peace, the Everlasting Father. And HE - Jesus - is far more powerful than that other voice of lies that came, spoke, and has been silenced so we could finally hear and know The Voice of Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Ode to The Dayton Experience - FOT 84 - Hara Arena.

Just a poem and a picture of the Feast of Tabernacles back in 1984. It never hurts to reminisce, to think, and to reflect. The above picture is original art using digital paint software directly from memory (minus the inserted images.). For many a time, I would consistently stare up at that fan - watching it spin and twirl, on and off - looking up at the bright Mercury-Vapor high bay lamps. Watching them warm up after a film was always fascinating to me. From flickers to a deep blue at the start of the final hymn, to nearly fully brightened by the last prayer - they were a reminder of the build up and anticipation of the Feast that was finally there. Strangely, as fast as the lights went out - the feast ended. Quite an appropriate metaphor. So with that, I share a simple poem of those days in the middle 80s at one of the most hated Feast Sites in the entire country - but still, the Feast it was. You had your memories of those days - so you can probably substitute your memories easily in place of mine. 

Reflecting is all a part of healing in the recovery. And though it is distant, and gone - it was a part of our collective past. I acknowledge what was with these words.

'Twas Two Decades And Four
In a Time Long Ago
Ray Meyer's Strong Voice
Will 5,000 Show?
Al Dennis the leader
of songs we all sang
"All together now", he ordered
our voices rang.
The afternoon service
The first day did come
Judd led us together
United as one.
The song hallelujah
the chorus in song
The chorale joined together
we listened along.
As Herbert stepped forward
Applause thundered forth
Well greetings, everybody
We listened for more.
Why are we here? We'd here once again
Two trees, give and get,
two hours till end.
His gestures so strong
nearly fell off his chair
Jowels shaking, loud yelling
Herb's gospel laid bare.
And then its the last song
The lights slowly rise
A prayer and a blessing
How time surely flies!
And with one last amen
a rush to the stairs
And out to dinner
No worries or cares
Back to the hotel
Soon time for bed
Thinking back on these times
Now, NO tears to be shed.
Yet these memories constant
as loud as they are
They're as distant as galaxies
So deep, and so far.

Thoughts on Old Testament Festivals

 This comment was made on Banned by HWA by me. By request, I've split it and made it a general topic on my own personal blog.

Duane A. Garrett is a professor of theology at the Southern Baptist Seminary. This is an outline he wrote concerning the OT Festivals:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/feasts-and-festivals-of-israel.html

With that said, I will now share my controversial opinion: (I am not a Southern Baptist, nor did I graduate from any Southern Baptist Seminary!)

The idea of carrying over the Festivals into the New Testament was one that was embraced by those who embraced BI/Sabbatarian Theology. Herman Hoeh was one of the masterminds of carrying the belief and theological interpretation of the Festivals into the New Covenant through his own exegesis of scripture. While one is free to observe such days if they choose so - the problem came with the baggage tied in with the Armstrong version of the Festivals. For instance:

1. The idea that your salvation is incumbent upon the observance of these festivals.
2. The idea that the carry-over of the Festivals reveals some mystery plan of God. The mystery has already been revealed to NT Christians.
3. The idea that somehow you can even keep these festivals properly in the hope of pleasing God.
4. The idea that anything you do(also, related to Law-Keeping) is good enough for any kind of brownie points with God. It is not.

The mystery plan of God is revealed in the Bible as Christ in you, the hope of Glory. (Col. 1:27), which was made possible by the fulfillment of the Law in Jesus Christ, who reconciled us all to the Father, thus allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell within us, who compose the New Testament Church today.


The Holy Spirit does not require a Calendar. The Holy Spirit does not need an on/off switch as to when we can be Christian and do good works or not. Christ in us does not require the concept of mortal time. And doing good works and showing faith and love does not run on a physical timetable, and is not dependent on the moon, or the sun, or any astronomical/astrological events as it relates to life here on Earth.

The one thing Herbert Armstrong, and Armstrongism was not able to do was to look beyond the physical to the reality of the spiritual realms - beyond time, space, matter, and the calendar. The festivals were given to those who, before the fulfillment of Christ, were cut off from God, and were reliant on physical representations of the spiritual realm and the Law with it's sacrificial commands.

What Herbert Armstrong did was simple and horrific: He ignored everything Christ fulfilled at His first coming, continued with the idea that everyone was cut off from God except for he and his church for the full 6,000 years from "Adam" to the 2C, and with that concept and misinterpretations of the Law/Christ relationship, maintained the Law was still in effect until the second coming of Christ. This concept is what was behind his version of the Festivals running into and through the New Testament.

Yes, they were God's Festivals. He ordained them. But he ordained them for a time and a place before the Holy Spirit's ministry, and before the reconciliation of God with Man through Christ, who is Who the entire Old Testament pointed to - the law, and the prophets. Now that the reality the OT pointed to has come through Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit can minister in us, and through us, the freedom we have in Jesus Christ does not bind us to a physical calendar. It binds us as representatives of Jesus Christ in actions of love, faith, hope, and charity to all through the Spirit's lead.

Did Herbert Armstrong really believe that he was who he said he was?

What can we deduce through the decades of History about HWA?

When reading through the co-worker letters, I try to see things (hard as this is, to do, believe me), from Herbert's (what he's letting us know) point of view. I try very hard to look at these letters without bias - to try to see where he's coming from.

Yes, this is hard to do as I have already looked through these letters. I've come to many conclusions. But I am left with a very perplexing, very confusing question that I have yet to resolve in my head. This is going to be an article about my thoughts about all of that - and it may end up to be more rambling than anything else.

When I read through the process that Herbert Armstrong claims led him to become what he became - he makes it seem - and very convincingly, if you allow it to be - that what happened that led him from what he was to what he became - that he had nothing to do with.

He claims a lot of coincidences, situations that he claims were out of his control. He cites what he says are many examples of miraculous interventions to prove his divine purpose and calling. A dime here, seventy-five dollars there. People coming from nowhere to fill a need. Miraculous events he claims he has no control over. One reading this might get the impression he is certainly, and absolutely, being led by a power greater than himself that he claims to be God.

Of course, during this process, he claims surrender and conversion to God, and that through that conversion and surrender to God, Herbert was able to be used for his purpose to develop this "great work" that only he was specially prepared to do through past business experience. Was this the case?

Those of us who have intensely studied his life, in an attempt to figure out the details of why we got ensnared into the hell that we got ensnared in - know and understand details of his life that emphatically proves that he had not surrendered his entire life to God. Herbert himself has admitted that a "powerful evil", nearly impossible to overcome, had been with him through his entire life as he built up the Worldwide Church of God. Herbert himself was prone to intense outbursts of carnal rage and anger over material shortcomings. Herbert used every carnal and worldly tactic in the book to extort financial gain out of the most oppressed and burdened people for his own building project - making the deal and giving the green light, and then putting the burden on the poor with an "It's your fault if it fails and you're going to the lake of fire" mantra, over and over and over again. And those of us who have studied are painfully aware of the allegations of abuse against his daughter - which members of his own family have not come to his defense against. And yet, he claims it was God who was working everything "in his favor".

So the one question is: Did he really believe he was who he said he was? Or was he inwardly laughing at all of us "dumb sheep" for falling for the con-man bait and switch of the century?

I have wondered if he had simply just rationalized everything and convinced himself that he is who he said that he was. After all, everyone seemed to agree with him. People began calling him an apostle. People were saying his message was of God all over the place. He had many supporters. Was he using the people to rationalize that he was who he said he was - and then playing the David Card when his true nature surfaced time and time again?

He often says everything "just seemed to work out" for him at the last minute, proving God was always behind it. Yet, we all know he neglects to say the forceful sales methods of abuse against his congregation he knew would always work every time he pulled out the big guns - the threats of eternal damnation for those who never came through for him.

When he found a method of financial gain that worked, he would double down on it, and employ it harder, and harder, and harder each and every time. First, he'd say there was an emergency. And then, he never stopped saying it. Then, crisis. Then, a double crisis. Then, a SUPREME crisis. Then, the worst crisis that ever has been faced by the Work. And finally, in the early 1960s all the way up to the mid 1970s, he would pull out the big guns of the threat of eternal damnation for slackers, for lukewarm givers - for those who were not 100 percent behind Herbert's desire for the completion of his headquarters. He admitted he would beg, plead - ask people to give until it hurts without any shame to those in his church so he wouldn't have to do it to his co-workers. And even then, he found very underhanded ways around even that.

He had full knowledge of what he was doing. He knew full well the psychological impacts of Petra, the Place of Safety, and 1975 - and what it would do to increase the needed funds to meet the goals that were required to get the loans for the completion of the Master Plan. In fact, all while that was going on, buildings were going up like crazy. The Natatorium, the Dining Hall, Dorms - this building, that building - all while articles were going out over and over again about preparing for the end of the world.

Articles by Dale Schurter about preparing for famine. Articles telling teenagers to get ready to be changed in just a matter of years. Sermons prepping people for the Place of Safety. Whole articles about Petra - that GTA and a few others went to as a psychological tool to evoke deep feelings. All of this was a coordinated and deliberate effort to increase funds. And evidence through writings by GTA himself says that they themselves knew nothing was ever going to happen. When 1972 came and went, it was time to enact damage control, with half-hearted we didn't mean it and maybe overdid it recalls of everything the members had gone through - instead of a full walk-back, blaming the members that they were not ready.

And instead of walking it all back - they went to say that something momentous DID happen that day on January 7, 1972 - they got Readers Digest Ads. That's the definition of Damage Control. At the same time, the scandals of GTA and debauchery were coming out full throttle - and the wickedness that was reigning inside the Church through the entirety of The Big Push during the 1960s was being revealed to all.

Everything about that time frame was absolutely and certainly shrouded in a well-coordinated deception. Yet, we still wonder - did it turn this way over time, or did it start like this in the beginning, and were we all had from the start?

Looking at who Herbert Armstrong got on his team is pretty telling. Herman Hoeh had already been convinced of British Israelism - and was a very powerful thinker and organizer about such a movement before he even came on board. In fact, the only thing he wasn't really convinced of was the festivals. Then came the McNair clan from Arkansas. And then, Rod Meredith and Bob Seelig came on board. It was quite a team. And all of them were fully aware of the "Ambassador Extravagance", especially  when Armstrong's De Soto and his son's other expensive car were seen and called no lack of drama among the first students. Rod Meredith himself admitted to this in no uncertain terms in an early GN article.

It is also worth noting that there never really was any sort of emergency. These "emergency claims" were spoken without cessation for over 40 years. In these emergencies the cash built up to such amazing results that not only were the radio stations easily purchased - but soon, every sort of fine treasure to a Gulfstream Jet to dinnerware in the tens of thousands were purchased. And the ministers became the highest paid in the world, according to the Business Manager, as he said it to Herbert Armstrong.

The Loans for the Auditorium were long term, and ended somewhere around the middle 1990s. Astoundingly - well, not really, this was the exact coincidental time that the Big Changes, with the force and fury of a cannon, and the empathy of a rabid porcupine, took place - after denials and denials from the Headquarters that it was ever going to happen. I can recall back in 1991 and 1992 reading magazines that were hinting towards big changes in the Church that the Church was constantly denying would ever happen - only to see it happen in four years with a "If you don't like it, go to Global" message from Tkach. I saw the deception first hand - that same deception that went on during times past. The deception through the 40s to the 70s to get as much money as possible, while proclaiming it was actually the mission of the members to give and back them up - without grumbling, or complaining, conditioned entirely and effectively to completely being finger-whipped into absolute obedience.

So the question remains. Did Herbert Armstrong really believe that he was who he said he was?

I believe he deluded himself, using rationalization, to believe that he was an apostle. I believe he deluded himself, by listening to the words of others, that he was the most important man in the world. After all, he was funding hundreds of people who were relying on his paycheck for their living. If Herbert fell, they all fell. Am I suggesting that the top ministers may have actually enabled and enhanced the delusion on Herbert for their own selfish benefit? You be the judge. No one was going to possibly let, in my opinion, Herbert believe for a second he wasn't what he thought he was - because then all the top evangelists and hundreds of the best paid ministers would be out of a job. Perhaps the key to their jobs was enhancing Herbert's delusion of himself so they all could be guaranteed a posh and luxury life - all at the expense of the little people.

Herbert Armstrong started a work based on personal ambition, success, importance, and prosperity. Once he got a team on board, and this work took off - no one was going to let it collapse. Regardless of the cost. You can easily see this spirit of competition and assurance to Herbert that he was who he says he was all through the 50s and 60s. He had a financial formula that worked. And everyone knew it. And everyone kept it going.

Even making the poor people believe they were about to go to Petra, or lose their salvation for letting up the income.

Yes, I do believe that Herbert Armstrong, later in life, really believed that he was who he said he was. But I believe this was a powerful delusion, only accepted after being convinced and enabled to believe such by selfish ministers who wanted their own stake of the fortune, who would reinforce the delusion to pad their own pockets in luxury as long as they could, until they could not anymore - when there was no way to carry the load of debt and burden.

And that's when we turn the corner to 1995, and begin to see all the roaches come out of the woodwork once the empire fell.

And So It Arrives That Another Fall Festival Appears on the Calender in COG-Land.

Tomorrow, September 23, 2018, the annual fall festival known throughout the Armstrong Churches of God as the Feast of Tabernacles, begins tomorrow evening at sunset.

Back in those days, it was on a night like tonight that I literally would not be able to sleep - until I remembered very distinctly a phrase that my mother told me that worked every time. She said "If you go to sleep, the next thing you know it will be morning and we'll be ready to go."

It worked every time. The next thing I knew, I would be awake - and with all the energy of a growing child (oh, to remember those days - these days, it takes time to get about half of that burst!) I'd be up and excited - ready to begin the journey to wherever we were going where "the Lord has placed his name".

There were many reasons why this was an exciting time for me. This was our only vacation of the year - the rest of the year was a trench of an experience which was enshrouded in an endless, dull routine completely smothered in the chains of poverty. We took our tenth of our yearly earnings (which for us, was a big amount - probably scrapings to others) to live in a way we never were able to the rest of the year.

This wasn't why it was important to me as I got older into my teens. What was important to me was that I knew it was commanded for us, I knew God placed His name there, I knew that it marked my identity, and I knew I was specially called to go there to enjoy this "foretaste" of the Millennium that any time now was going to be foreshadowed by the world war that I had to be protected from.  In my younger childhood, it was a big deal because of fun. In my teen years, it was a big deal spiritually.

In the many festival sites that I went to - The Lake of The Ozarks, Niagara Falls, Mt. Pocono, Wisconsin Dells, and Dayton (Yes, I was consistently jealous of those most fortunate to go to the Well-To-Do sites such as Pensacola, St. Petersburg, and Hawaii) - I soaked in the many traditions that I had developed throughout the vacation.

It had become a yearly ritual as a family to all go out to the car just after Atonement to take the thick envelope with the yellow offering envelopes, the Headquarters-sent letter, and the Parking Stickers - and take out the parking sticker and gently apply it to the (then metal) bumper of the family vehicle. I'd beam with great pride about that sticker. It meant we were set apart, and the only time of the year we'd know when we were passing other set-aparts. It gave one a mighty good feeling, I'll tell you that.

The tradition of family packing was just as important to me. Mother would be very methodical about this - creating a detailed packing list, ensuring that nothing was missed - especially the Bibles and the notebooks.

Of course, depending on where we were going, and how long, would dictate the other vacation traditions - all of which I categorized neatly in my mind. Mostly, in my earliest days, they would focus on the smells of the places I visited on the way. That would be the smell of fresh roasted coffee in the morning at restaurants, the smell of clean hotels, and the smell of fresh clean morning crisp air.

We would constantly take photos of the same things on the way. The first car with a parking sticker we'd pass (as long as it wasn't ministerial), the interstate highway signs, a billboard of a hotel - and particular landmarks we'd pass each time we went there.

But the event I looked forward to the most was when we were driving to Church opening night, getting lost in a large line of Feast Cars all heading to the same location, rounding the bend, and seeing the glorious sight of the holy tabernacle or arena in view, with the parking attendants and their hats and cones leading people exactly where they were to park.

Getting out of the car, grabbing the Bibles and notebooks, hearing the command to "Stay close" because of all the people - and walking up to the building made the excitement even more palpable in my youthful mind. On entering the building, hearing the typical loud - but much more energetic hum-drum, mixed with the smell of perfumes and colognes - yes, it was a sensory overload. Simply so much to take in.

Would this be the last time before we'd all end up in this fantastic world tomorrow? What will we hear from God's One and Only Chosen End-Time Elijah and Apostle of The Work? Will I fall asleep when they cut the lights and I hear the voice of Art Gilmore and Orchestra Songs with the latest film? Will I watch with great interest the choreography of scripture-based note taking as the heads rise and fall? Will I be fascinated with the movement of the ushers as they walked in unison during Announcements? Will I hear the same voice of the same Festival Coordinator as I did last year? So many questions!

When an experience such as this is all that you know when growing up, it certainly etches deeply on your brain as far as it's intensity and vividness goes. There are portions, even today - many decades later - that are as clear to me as if they happened yesterday. I pen these memories with the mindset not of sadness and wistfulness of memory - but of the mindset of an experience that shaped a lot of who I am today.

As I reflect on my childhood in the Worldwide Church of God with our version of Church Disney, I think back on the times as a solace and break of life - not as the fantasy it was in an adult way of logic - but as a rare opportunity as an adult to break down and remember Armstrongism in a first-hand experience, thanks to the power of memory, and use that experience combined with the knowledge that I have now about Armstrongism - for those who need to know there are others who have gone through it too, and are recovering, and who probably thought the same way about the same things that I did. After all, that's what we are here to do - to use our experiences, and memories, in every circumstance - as much as we are able to do so in our life situations - to help others.

And if we can't help, just to give a nod of "I've been there, too."