The Armstrong Church of God Ministers have consistently, in the name of what they call "God's Government", invaded the personal boundaries of their members in the enforcement of "the Law" within their congregations. Of course, members might think to themselves upon reading this: "What Boundaries?"
Throughout the decades, ministers have been trained, and thus feel compelled as principle, to ask and give counsel to the most private of questions, or the most trivial of questions. What would make most people gravely uncomfortable to discuss is commonly divulged by people within the Churches of God, believing the opinion of the minister is directly from Christ - because they've submitted themselves to "the Authority of the Government of God."
What is a personal boundary, anyway?
"Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits."*
Regardless of what you have been told, or what you have believed - all people - including ministers - are subject to respect and to follow the personal boundaries that YOU have set up for yourself. It is within your basic rights as a human being, and within your own standards and expectations of privacy, to set up boundaries that all must respect. If you say no, NO means NO.
There are many personal boundaries that must be respected by your spiritual advisors. Most of all, what it is that you decide to share if you are asked to divulge personal information. The ministers of the Armstrong Churches of God have had a history of asking questions that they were not qualified, nor trained, to counsel on. Even Ron Dart, a senior minister in the old Worldwide Church of God, admitted exactly that.
The emotional result of inappropriate boundary invasion by a minister (or anyone, for that matter) can be like:
"getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with no protection. You expose yourself to being greatly affected by others words, thoughts, and actions and end up feeling bruised, wounded and battered"*.
Yet the fear that a minister can attempt to seduce you to believe through the power of blind deception can make you feel like it's not "that bad" what they are doing, after all, it is "God's Government". The reality is that they are being spiritual and emotional vampires, sucking out any dignity, self-worth, and privacy for their own interpretations and unqualified judgement, leading you down the road of guilt, condemnation, and lack of self-worth.
What then can you do, if you feel within your heart of hearts that a minister has crossed the line of effective spiritual counsel into disrespect of your basic rights and violating your personal boundaries?
1) Pray for God's assistance to help you stand up for righteousness.
2) Assert that such questions are inappropriate and are making you uncomfortable.
3) If the minister is persistent and presses the issue, or threatens retribution, WALK OUT.
No person - not one - has the right to invade your personal boundaries once you request them to stop. There is no difference from a person refusing to honor the word "NO", whether it is a sexual request or an emotional request or inappropriate question where you have told them to stop. (This goes with physical boundary intrusions too, like when they used to go through your medicine cabinets decades ago!) If they persist, or threaten retribution, it is a violation. They have crossed the line. You no longer are subject to submit to their authority. (Secret: You never were subject to their "authority".) They relinquish any such authority the minute they ignore the word, "NO".
Yes, you may be disfellowshipped. You may be marked. And that is okay. You stood up for what is right, and for yourself, and have asserted the respect you deserve as a person.
The question is, will you allow yourself to remain in an abusive relationship of disrespect and violation of your personal space and rights - or will you assert your personal basic rights, and be free from the abusers who disrespect your personal space and privacy.
The era of inappropriate questioning and counsel in the Armstrong Churches of God by unqualified and untrained ministers must end. It must start with you.
*Quotes adapted from the Violence Intervention and Prevention Center from PositivelyPositive.com, outofthefog.net, Where You End and I Begin by Anne Katherine
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