The Songs of Dwight Armstrong - The Musical Center of It All

There are not many words that can express exactly what it is that I experience, and feel - when I hear the familiar tunes of Dwight Armstrong - the tunes that I grew up with in the Worldwide Church of God, and are still commonplace in Armstrongism.

They are not just songs. They are experiences. They contain not just words - but emotion. Smell. And texture. The songs comprised everything that was.

Every song has a memory. Every song has an emotion. And every word is etched forever in memory.

Certain songs bring me back to front and center within the Tabernacle at the Feast of Tabernacles. I can still smell cologne, perfumes, cool air - and the electric buzz of excitement within the room - all dressed in their best suits and dresses. Other songs bring me back to the local church - singing the last hymn before the closing prayer and the after-church fellowship hour. And yet other songs bring me to other places and events - like sports outings and the like. Not one song evokes the same memory. Every memory is different.

The song I am hearing now is "Joyfully Sing and Praise God" - and that, too, immediately evokes different memories of combined services for a district basketball meet. It is amazing how each song is tied into such different events.

I have always been a musically oriented person. I have sang in choirs, and festival choirs in the past. I've also played a little in the church orchestra back in the day - and later on, I was a scheduled song leader with the Local Church on rotation. The hymns were always in the center of it all. Learning the bass portions of the hymns was a challenge to me - it was a wholly different way of singing the hymns, but soon, they became very much a part of normal hymn-singing.

The one that just came on now while typing was one I remember so well. "How lovely Are Thy Dwellings". We always sang this one either in the middle of the service, or at the close of the service. It has a most unforgettable memory. "Blest and happy is the man, who has found his strength in thee..." Yes, it was, and is,  a beautiful and biblical tune.

What's this you say? Am I being positive about my experiences in the Church? I'm telling it like it is. Just like I tell exactly how it was about the Church being a business, and Herbert Armstrong being a businessman. That's the truth. There's no other way around it. They perverted the Gospel, and ruined many lives. I don't shy around with that.

That doesn't mean that I have to be absolutely negative about every experience that I had in the Church. I will never, as long as I live, forget the amazing times that I experienced at SEP. Yes, there were times in there I wish I could forget. But overall, those times were greatly overshadowed by the positive times I had at Camp.

These songs - the songs of Dwight Armstrong. Some of them, yes, were pretty horrid and dirgy. Some I don't agree should be sung because of their discouraging words and cognitive dissonance. I know of some people who cannot listen to them, because it is a reminder of some truly horrible times, and induces a tremendous amount of guilt for falling for the scam of Armstrongism. And yes, that's exactly what it was, a scam. Yet, some of these songs are the manifestation of the reality that I spent most of my life in. And some do have beautiful melodies. Though I know well that they are rooted in a worldly, carnal, and purely physically oriented religion - there is no denying that they bring memories of a period of my life that I have learned - through much therapy - to grow from - but nevertheless to accept that it was what it was.

This is why I named the blog what I named it: "Owl in Some Poor Wasteland" - an ode to an often quoted verse on the song "He Shall Reign Forevermore".It's perfectly fitting in a variety of ways.

So, when I hear these songs, I can remember the places, the times, the experiences, the smells, the conversations, the excitement, and the memories of a time and a place of such a long time ago. They allow me to tap into these memories to help share the experiences of then - and the reality of now - and every point that happened along the way. My hope is that the memories I share on this blog, in the construct of history in full brutal honesty, will, for those who grew up in the environment that I did, may provoke conversation and only help with the healing and conversation of those who I share this unusual collective history with.

Because at one point, at one time, somewhere in the past - for those of us who were in the WCG - you and I together, wherever we were - somewhere - sang these songs at the exact same time. And back then, that was a very unifying and unforgettable moment.

Many may begrudge these songs. And that's okay. Each one evokes a different memory based on what we experienced and how we assemble our memories in the context that they were in. Whether good (like Camp) or bad (there were a great many) - I cannot pretend - nor will I pretend - that that part of my life was gone. Acceptance and reason is paramount in the process of going forward. As such, I must realize - with a fully logical mind - the aspects and the influence in the greater scheme of all that was that has shaped all that is.

It is with this perspective that I allow myself to sing along to such words as owls and sparrows and the like. It can only strengthen my perspective on the realities, and differentiate strongly between the storms of the past and the breaking clouds in the next phase of life in recovery. I thank God for His hand in all of it. After all, his mercy, truly, never fails.