Respect. It Makes or Breaks... Well, Everything.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. 





The words echo in my head from one of the great vocalists of our time, who recently passed into the Great Beyond, leaving a legacy of incredible melodies that will certainly live on for many generations to come. "Find out what it means to me", as the lyrics go.

A very valid question. What does respect mean to me? And to us?

When I was growing up, the notion that was impressed upon me was very simple: Respect was achieved, not by how one earned respect, but upon the position that the person was in. Respect, thus, was an entitlement granted upon one's rank or level in any given area - regardless of the person's abilities, accomplishments - or lack thereof.

Not that this isn't necessarily an inappropriate way of thinking in it's proper light. The military, law enforcement, medical professionals, fire safety, judicial members - they all deserve respect due to who they are and what they do. We know they have earned respect because it takes a certain amount of training, in every one of these professions, to do what they have to do to either save lives, or protect lives. When we arrive at the doctor's office, we give them our respect by our trust. When we are pulled over by a law enforcement officer for speeding, we give them our respect by our behavior. When something is found to be on fire, we give the firefighters our respect by clearing out, and letting them do their job. We know that they know what they are doing. That's entitled respect, based on what we know.

Then there's earned respect.

An employee brand new on the job has no entitlement of respect. It takes years to earn it - and five minutes to lose it. A new acquaintance does not gain the respect of their new individual right off the bat. That, too, takes years to build - and can take one wrong thing to end it. Your favorite food - you could love it for ten years. Then, buy one bad box, and never, ever buy it again.

It would seem that entitled respect is only broken by losing the ability to perform the task that granted the respect. It would also seem that earned respect is like a Jenga tower. It can be built high and strong, but one false move, and it can all fall like a ton of bricks. Or, if built poorly, can collapse before it ever really gets going at all.

It would seem to me, then, that there are two types of respect. There's professional respect, and then there's personal respect.

Yet, then, there is the public servant whose very profession demands personal respect, due to the intimate closeness that this individual has with those they claim to serve. This would include psychologists, ministers, clergy, social workers, and the like. One might think then, that that particular type of person would know that their professional respect is only based on how much personal respect they have built.

In the environment that I grew up in, the very reversed happened. I'm talking about the ministry of the Church that I grew up in. Those who had the profession of Minister - under the employment of an organization - who claimed the requirement of professional respect - but neglected the necessity of the requirement of personal respect that their very profession requires.

Their basis was simple: Their calling was God-Ordained, through the laying-on-of-hands of the one human being who was believed to be called by Jesus Christ himself, and only under the authority of Jesus Christ. Therefore, their personal respect never had the chance to be earned. It only had to be professionally obtained. Any "personal" respect was simply coerced, or forced, because it was not allowed the time or the ability to be genuine.

Often, within five years or so, this person would be shuffled off to another congregation to be replaced by another individual, who mandated the same professional respect. It seems that any attempt to build "personal" respect was deliberately and intentionally cut off by this system. "Familiarity breeds contempt", it was often said. Therefore, the only thing that we needed to know, as members who were "under" the authority by office of this individual, was that they spoke under the authority of God, and to respect "the office", and not necessarily the downfalls of "the person", because "God will take care of it, it is not the responsibility of the members to try to."

This professional, demanded respect - without the build-up of personal respect - required uncompromising obedience - as if we were in a military operation, not a church. It led us to become mindless drones - under the threat of professional expulsion from the church itself. It was not balanced, and it was not a normal relationship you would expect in a church, which by it's very nature requires an abundance of personal respect. The very structure of the church's government eliminated any build-up of personal respect. The minister's professional respect - and unrelenting accompanying business authority - would far overrule any personal respect built up anyway.

The emotional imbalance of this cannot be underestimated, when you take what is supposed to be a church comprised and built upon the standards of professional respect of knowledge and personal respect of person - and end up with something like I grew up in which had neither. The church I grew up in was a dysfunctional, chaotic, imbalanced den of debauchery with tyrants at the helm, demanding, but not earning, any form of respect - either professionally, or personally - due to the overbearing, dictatorial regime of taskmasters who were pursuing their own wicked agendas at the very top. I feel bad for the few who DID try to earn personal respect within the ranks, but were quickly squelched by those who took advantage of the "weakness" of the good to earn a higher place with the wicked. Where there's a den of sin, there's always those who try to push their selfish agendas to gain higher goals of selfishness.

Respect was never mutually shared, either. Respect is never a one-way, bottom up street, because of the necessity of personal respect given in those who hold professional respect. Those who hold professional respect always should be able to return personal respect to those they serve. In the environment I grew up in, it was purely a one-way street: My way, or the Highway. You obey, or you get out. Pay, pray, or hit the hay.

When those who have an office of professional respect fail to understand the requirement of giving personal respect to those they serve - whether it's a public servant or a family member - the result is always terrible. It's those who do not understand the two-way street of respect - both professionally, and personally - who end up the abusers, the dictators, the tyrants, the merciless.

Respect is either entitled by profession, or earned personally - but professional respect always gives personal respect to those they serve - no matter what the profession, or the task, profit, or non-profit. Any organization that does not understand this principle - especially churches and ministries - cannot be trusted in any way to be what they claim to be, or who they claim they are.