Dating In Armstrongism

Dating was one of the most complicated and most watched activities within the church, as the church was attempting to control the morality of it's members (and, it could be argued, maintain massive immorality in it's ministers at the same time, though this was not always the case with all ministers.) There were many very complex do's and dont's among the single and teen dating scenes that dictated exactly what you were going to do, with who, and how it was to be done. Along with these were a strong list of exactly what you were NOT going to do – that is – if you wanted a good chance of staying in the church, for those who cared.

Take kissing, for example. 

Was this even acceptable when dating within the Church?

 

Kissing was considered something to wait for until marriage vows were traded among a couple. Many did not, but there were just as many rebels as there were followers. Physical contact while dating was considered completely tabboo, and kissing was a small part of this. The fear was that if a couple started kissing, it could lead to uncontrollable attraction, foreplay, and ultimately pre-marital intercourse. Therefore, to attempt to stop this from happening, kissing itself was forbidden among dating couples. How often this was ignored by dating couples, outside of prying eyes of watching ministers and parents, however, was anyone's guess. 

If the Churches of God had this back in the Armstrong Era...

 

Speaking of “Prying Eyes”, it wasn't uncommon for the ministers to either spy themselves, or set up spies in the church for the purpose of trying to catch somebody “in the act” of breaking one of the church's laws on morality and infidelity. Even so, there were those who were just plain unliked in the church, and it wouldn't be a stretch to report a complete fib just to get someone in trouble – especially if they were trying to break up a couple they thought should not be a couple, or a friendship, or anybody they didn't agree with should be talking with each other. This was commonly done in the church. 

This happened more often then Kermit Nelson wanted to know at SEP.

 

There were usually two groups of teenage kids in my local congregation: I called them The Rebels, and the Losers. Since I was undoubtedly a part of the “losers”, partly because I wanted to follow the Church's version of what was right, this was not an issue for me. However, I did walk in on a few of the “rebels” - and of all places, this was at the Summer Educational Program. You either were against the church's teachings due to hormones, and indulged in “rebellious” behavior, or you were for the church, and relegated a “loser” no matter how innocent and naïve you were. Regardless of either class you were in, you were an outcast to the world through and through – unless you completely “rebelled” and became a part of what was termed “The New Morality”. 

This would get you kicked out of everything!!!

Petting and Necking – admittedly a stage beyond just “kissing” - in the church, was considered sexual foreplay and was forbidden among dating single individuals. Couples were supposed to wait until marriage to perform forbidden acts such as listed here. Dating was strictly controlled and in some cases, date results were to be reported to the minister to see how it went. Just like with kissing, Once petting and necking began, it was thought that they were already well on their way toward pre-marital intercourse. This was, after all, considered fornication. If dating included petting and necking while the members were in the church, that couple was separated by the ministry – at the LEAST. At most, you were told you were setting a bad example, and couldn't return until you 'repented'. 

Another thing – interracial dating of any kind was forbidden in the church. If you were white, you dated a white person – not olive, not hispanic – not latino – white, and the same exact policy with other races in the church. You didn't do it. Racism was rampant in the church based on their interpretation of scriptures and bible prophecy. Whole congregations at one time of color were segregated. This is just the way it was.

The acceptable space between dating couples: "Let There Be Light!"

Who you dated was controlled by the minister or your parents – and you did what they told you to do. If they wanted you with a person, you obeyed. If you were a teenager, if they wanted you to double-date for a period of time, you did. If they did not want you with a person, you broke up. You did, again, what you were told. If they thought you were compatible, you were compatible – even if you were most obviously not compatible. You simply accepted and “worked through” the trial that was to last your whole life, because this was “God's will”. Regardless of the strange pool of “weirdness” in the church that made dating extremely unattractive for many, you didn't think of dating someone outside of the church – they were unconverted, it was told, and could well become a bad influence in your life. Therefore, if you “liked” someone who was out of the church, you were to – well, “un-like” them – they wouldn't understand you, and you would be too tempted by them. It was called, in church speak, being “unequally yoked” - just like a married couple where one is in the church, and one is out of the church.

With that said, The thought of dating outside of the church – to those who wanted to follow the church's teachings, and were old enough – was unheard of. Any potential mate was only, and I mean ONLY – found within the church. The problem with this is that those within the church were, unwittingly and unknowingly, just as messed up as you were, and any prospective suitor knew you were messed up too. Yet dating outside of the church was not an option, so, regardless of what a couple might say, most church couples, anxious to get married to escape the soon coming Tribulation, they thought, married anyway and settled with what they got.

The thought of dating outside of the church – to those who wanted to follow the church's teachings – was unheard of. Any potential mate was only, and I mean ONLY – found within the church. The problem with this is that those within the church were, unwittingly and unknowingly, just as messed up as you were, and any prospective suitor knew you were messed up too. Yet dating outside of the church was not an option, so, regardless of what a couple might say, most church couples, anxious to get married to escape the soon coming Tribulation, they thought, married anyway and settled with what they got. A truly tragic thing for many of the couples who were entangled in the dating snare of Armstrongism.

And don't hold hands.