A New Way to Stay Awake In Church!

These days in the Churches of Armstrongism, you will find all sorts of men out there claiming to be the special voice that one should be paying attention to with the commission of the present "truth" to whatever is left of Armstrong's legacy. Which is not much.

You have the skilled orators that gained true speaking skills from the glory days of Worldwide - who know how to speak convincingly and authoritatively,  regardless of how well ridiculous and false their message might be. Kind of like selling an "As Seen on TV" product in an infomercial. For anyone who has seen "Whose line Is it Anyway", it's the same principle as Wayne Brady and Ryan Stiles use to sell never-before seen items in comedy improv to their audience - and sometimes, just as funny!

And then you have the Malms, and the Thiels, and the one Shouty Guy from "Obedient" or whatever that group is. You'd wonder if they ever learned anything about public speaking from their years in the Church. How is it that you can endure it?

Here's a way!

Instead of you being a "congregant" - bored out of your mind, about to fall asleep - what if you were instead an evaluator? What if in your notes, you were not actually taking notes of the service - but evaluating his presentation and skill as a public speaker? 

How would you grade the Splinter leaders on public speaking skill?

Did the speaker use an attention-focusing/story-form Introduction?
Did the speaker inform the audience of the title of the lecture?
Did the speaker inform the audience of the expected goal and outcome of the lecture? 
Did the speaker use an appropriate intonation of voice for the subject?
Did the speaker use gestures appropriately and naturally?
Did the speaker use segues appropriately and naturally?
Did the speaker speak at an appropriate volume?
Did the speaker speak at an appropriate speed? 
Did the speaker speak clearly?
Did the speaker exhibit confidence?
Did the speaker use humor beneficially and naturally?
Did the speaker exhibit a cool and calm demeanor?
Did the speaker constantly refer to a script or use an outline?
Did the speaker engage the audience? 
Did the speaker limit unnecessary pauses/breaks/silence?  
Was the speaker unnecessarily repetitive?

Did the speaker use an appropriate subject material for the event? 
 Did the speaker outline the specific purpose of the message?
Did the speaker stick to the specific purpose of the message?
Did the speaker stay within 1 to 3 points per half hour for long lectures?
Did the speaker stay within 1 to 3 points total for short lectures?
Did the speaker explain each point clearly and purposefully?
Was the speaker persuasive and convincing?
Was the speaker creative?
Did the speaker seem educated on the subject material?
Did the speaker sell his message? 

Did the speaker summarize for clarity at the end of the message?
Did the speaker effectively maintain the attention of the audience throughout?
Did the speaker end on time?

AND FOR FUN.

Did the speaker pick his nose?
Was the speaker's fly open?
Did the speaker grab the podium like it was about to take off?
Was the speaker's tie crooked?
Did the speaker look like he was about to pee?
Did the speaker have a booger hanging?
Did the speaker drink water excessively?
Did the speaker have to clear his throat?
Did the speaker sniffle?
Did the speaker rock back and forth?
Did the speaker use these words too much?
 - Certainly, Incumbent, Behooves, Just, Abundantly, Clear, Notion, Let's, Turn With Me
Did the speaker use "In Conclusion" more than once?

 You'll be out of the boring service before you can say "Ghastly!"